


Comfort Me

by casszepptraxx



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Dean - Freeform, Destiel - Freeform, Don't Judge Me, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, High School, High School Student Castiel, High School Student Dean, High School Student Sam Winchester, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Junior Sam, M/M, Making Out, Not So Virgin Dean Winchester, POV Castiel, POV Dean Winchester, Past Abuse, Past Child Abuse, Sam - Freeform, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Senior Castiel, Senior Dean, Smut, This Is High School, Top Castiel, Top Dean, Virgin Castiel, castiel - Freeform, they can both be top, what do you expect
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-30
Updated: 2018-03-20
Packaged: 2018-10-25 14:01:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 39,679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10765704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/casszepptraxx/pseuds/casszepptraxx
Summary: *High School AU*Castiel Novak has been sent to live with his aunt and uncle because his father is too busy and too famous to take care of him and watch over him and be his parent. So for Castiel's senior year of high school, he ends up moving to Lawrence, Kansas and going to Lawrence High where he is soon met with the biggest challenge in his life yet; Dean Winchester.______*I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE SUPERNATURAL CHARACTERS. I ONLY OWN THE PLOT AND THE WRITING*© 2017, okapi427- ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. This book contains material protected under International and Federal Copyright Laws and Treaties. Any unauthorized reprint or use of this material is prohibited. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system without express written permission from the author.DO NOT POST THIS ON ANY OTHER PLATFORM WITHOUT MY CONSENT. IF YOU SEE THAT MY CONTENT IS ON ANOTHER WEBSITE, CONTACT ME ASAP.





	1. Castiel

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Ninarweems](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ninarweems/gifts), [supernaturaI](https://archiveofourown.org/users/supernaturaI/gifts), [LokiNeedsHugs1031](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LokiNeedsHugs1031/gifts), [angelofthequeers](https://archiveofourown.org/users/angelofthequeers/gifts).



> I know this is cliche, but sometimes cliche is good, right? ;)
> 
> I want to thank my beta-writer, @Ninarweems, for helping me with this story by pre-reading the chapters and saving my ass from mistakes before I post them :) 
> 
> I would like to note none of these are my original characters, but this is all of my original writing (with the help of my beloved beta, of course)
> 
> I'd also like to note that there will be self harm and mentions of self harm in this book. I'll put a Tag Warning [TW] at the beginning of each chapter that mentions or has scenes of self harm. The same will go for abuse. That way you can skip it if you'd like. But I'm not going to make it a major part of the story. It's still there but it won't be in every chapter.

Castiel looked around the tall building, the worn down brick walls and the moldy green roof screaming anything but ‘welcome’. He looked at his aunt who looked back at him, her beady blue eyes watching him like a crow as she smiled her infamous tight ‘I’d-rather-be-watching-my-reality-TV-show-than-be-here-with-you’ smile. He mustered a half-assed one before sighing and walking up the cracked cement steps of Lawrence High, the only high school in town. He ran a hand through his black locks, his sea-blue eyes taking in the “rustic beauty” as his uncle had called it when Castiel first arrived in Lawrence, Kansas a week ago. He rubbed the back of his neck as he entered the building, abruptly being taken aback by just how… modern it looked. 

Compared to the old, worn out look that the high school had before, the inside was squeaky clean and sparkling as if it had just been waxed three dozen times. He already felt so out of place, and he knew that he needed to write to his dad about how wrong he was to send Castiel here. Although with his luck, his father will simply wave the letter off, not even opening it. That’s just how Chuck Shurley was. 

Chuck Shurley was seen as a god to society. Handsome, smart, charismatic… all of the traits a grown woman loves and wants. And the fact that he was a best-selling author of over forty books just made it better because _Ka-ching!_ All of the women in Northern America swooned just by hearing his name. So when little Castiel Novak was born, the public expected him to live up to his father’s status and be a carbon copy. Only he was the complete opposite. Bad grades, a little too tall, slightly buff, shy and socially awkward… Everything his father wasn’t.

From a young age, Castiel knew that he wanted nothing to do with his father’s lifestyle. He’d much more prefer a simple lifestyle that didn’t involve booze, sex, and women stringing their long legs across his lap. So, when he was around six, he took his late mother’s maiden name and just tried to stay out of the public eye for as long as he could. He couldn’t make friends once people found out who his dad was because all they wanted was to use him for money or fame, so by the time he was fourteen, he just switched to homeschooling. It was easier and he wouldn’t have to go out as much. But his father hasn’t given him much of a choice now that he’s sent Castiel to Naomi and Zach’s home for his senior year of high school.

He turned to his aunt who was holding her head high as she strutted down the hallway, acting as if she owned the school and every single being in it. He still had no idea how he was related to her. She was definitely his father’s sister; confident, pristine, privileged. Her chestnut hair was almost always pulled back in a tight bun, not a stray strand in sight, and she was always determined to wear an empowering business suit. Yes, Naomi was definitely Chuck’s sister. Ironically though, her husband was quite the opposite. He was still snarky and very… rude. But he had his moments when he wasn’t so bad. He could be pretty relaxed when it was just him, Castiel’s cousin Michael, his other cousin Lucifer, and himself. But once Naomi came home, he was just as bad.

Zachariah was middle-aged, balding, and slightly plump. He was very lenient with the boys and almost always took their side when it came to Naomi and him fighting about how the boys acted. But Castiel didn’t see much of Zach nowadays. As an entrepreneur, he had to travel quite a lot. So it was mostly just Castiel, Naomi, Michael, and Lucifer. It wasn’t too bad though. They usually just ignored Castiel which didn’t hurt Castiel at all. He only made an appearance twice a day normally. Once in the morning to leave for school or get food depending on the day and then once at night to get food, considering he got home before everyone else did. 

“Castiel!” Naomi hissed, bringing Castiel back to his present times. He looked up at her and then at the office lady who had a faker smile than Naomi. Her brown hair was resting on her petite shoulders and she was wearing way too much perfume. It wasn’t even the good type, either. It was the type that grandmother’s buy because they think it’s like some holy grail scent or something. It was odd considering this woman only looked like she was in her late twenties. 

“Sorry. What was the question?” he asked as he felt his cheeks turn a brilliant shade of scarlet.  
“What locker would you like?” the woman asked as she showed Castiel a long map of the senior hallway. He looked down the row and decided the one that was around the center. She nodded and wrote his name down. “Okay, you can talk to your counselor about what classes you would like to take. And then we can get started from there.” she said as she pointed towards a green door when she said counselor. He nodded and she handed him a slip that had his locker combination on it.

“Thank you.” he nodded before turning to Naomi who walked towards the door. 

“Honestly, Castiel,” she hissed. “How do you expect to graduate if you continue to zone out all the time. What would your father think?”

Castiel rolled his eyes at that sentence. If he had a dime for every time he had heard an adult ask him that, he’d probably be richer than his father. That phrase was something Castiel had come to know quickly by the age of two. It was just expected of him and he couldn’t help but feel anger bubble in his chest at the phrase. What would his father do? His father would simply hire another Nanny or coach or teacher to correct Castiel’s wrong. He wouldn’t handle it himself. He was ‘too busy writing’ or ‘too busy with a meeting’ or some other stupid event. But Castiel simply sighed instead of saying these thoughts. “Sorry, Aunt Naomi.”

Naomi nodded curtly and then knocked on the green door. “I’ll have Margo bring your car once she’s done getting my coffee and breakfast. It’ll be parked towards the front of the school. I have to go,” she said as she patted his shoulder. The closest thing she will ever do that is a sign of affection.

He turned his attention to a man who seemed just as dull as the rest of the staff so far, though that wasn’t hard to beat, considering he had only met one member. “Hello. You must be Castiel?” he asked with a smile that could have tricked him had it not been for his tight posture. Castiel nodded and the man held his hand out for Castiel to enter his office.

______

Castiel grabbed his books out of his locker and shut the creaking door, flinching slightly at how loud the slamming noise was. His first official day and he was already the boy with a target on his back. He wasn’t too unused to this, considering he was always the target of his cousin’s pranks, but he didn’t like it anymore than he did with Lucifer. It was finally lunch and then he had weight training for his fifth period. He didn’t want to take weight training because he wasn’t the most coordinated person in the world, but it was either weight training or doing running class where they focused on all the different types of running possible, and Castiel knew he would die if he chose that class.

He walked down the hallway, trying to avoid all human contact that he could. He was shoved to one wall and then spun around a few times before running into a locker as people moved like the subways back in New York City, Castiel’s original home. They all knew their destination and they knew they had limited time to get there, so they decided to walk as quickly as they could, not caring who got injured in the process. Castiel pushed himself flat against the wall and was somehow able to make it through the rest of the crowd and then towards the large cafeteria. Well, if you’d call it the cafeteria. It had a stage and then a main floor where there was a linoleum flooring, but then it had at least two gray carpeted rows that rose up like stairs and that was where all the food was. It was basically like an auditorium without all the chairs. 

Castiel managed to get a small box containing salad and then made his way out to the front of the high school, finding a soft patch of green grass that looked semi inviting. Even though the building looked older than everyone in the school’s age combined, it did have a beautiful scenery around it and a very large parking lot, lined with cars of all different shapes and models. He opened his box and grabbed the plastic fork, sticking it into the lettuce and taking a bite, cringing instantly at the dried leaf. 

“Yeah, the food here sucks.” Castiel heard a voice say from behind him. Castiel’s eyebrows shot up in surprise as he turned around to see a young girl with flaming auburn hair and bright green eyes look at him with a smile. She tossed him a sandwhich and then walked over, putting her hair up in a ponytail as she sat down. Castiel watched her with confusion, looking her over. With a Starwars shirt, black skinny jeans, and black converse, she was like every nerd’s fantasy girl. And Castiel was extremely confused as to why she was sitting by him. She pulled her bag open and set it down as she pulled out a bag of cheetos. She grabbed a few and started chewing on them, looking around the area while Castiel was simply more baffled by this mysterious girl.

“I don’t mean to be rude, but who are you?” he asked blatantly.

She wiped her fingers off and held her hand out. “Name’s Charlie.” she said with a smile. “And you’re Castiel, right?”

“How-”

“Everyone’s talking about you. They have been since December, when Michael said you’d be coming here.”

Castiel pursed his lips and nodded as he looked down at the sandwich and slowly took a bite. It tasted pretty good, which probably explained why it was gone within thirty seconds. Castiel heard Charlie chuckle beside him and he blushed. He was about to say something when a subtle rumble echoed through the parking lot. Castiel looked up and watched as a 1967 Chevrolet Impala pulled into the parking lot and parked up front. He saw a tall man step out, wearing a yellow and blue varsity jacket with the number ‘13’ on it. He was wearing black jeans and a black V-neck underneath it. Castiel felt his throat go dry but that didn’t last long as he saw a young girl get out from the other side, flipping her long golden hair behind her shoulder before she walked around and grabbed the young man’s hand, kissing him chastely before turning around and strutting in her heels.

“Who the hell is that?” Castiel muttered, looking at the boy but talking more about the girl. Charlie scoffed at them. 

“Only the power couple of the school.” she muttered as she looked at them. “Dean Winchester and Jo Harvelle. The Quarterback and the Cheerleader. The most stupidest high school cliche that could ever exist.” she sighed, a venomous tone in her voice. Castiel raised an eyebrow as he looked back over at Dean. But then, something that had a million in one chances, happened. Their eyes met. And Castiel could have sworn they were the most… greenest thing he had ever seen. They reminded him of all the trips through the forest that his mother would take him on when he was younger, or the green apples that his grandparents would grow on trees. 

Dean looked at him and Castiel could see his strut falter for a few seconds before he snapped his eyes away and walked into the school, Jo wrapped in his arm and draping over him. Castiel closed his eyes and cleared his throat, feeling his heart beat erratically. He opened them slowly and suddenly felt uneasy. “Thank you for the sandwich, Charlie. It was nice to meet you.”

She frowned but nodded. “Yeah, you too. Same time tomorrow?” she teased. Castiel grinned slightly. 

“Yeah. Same time tomorrow.”


	2. Dean

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _"He had never seen the young male before, he knew that for sure. He’d definitely remember a face like his."_

Dean Winchester parked his baby in the parking lot and unbuckled his seatbelt. He turned over to Jo and offered her his classic ‘girl-swoon’ smile. She grinned back and kissed him softly. “Just remember that I have that Calculus test today, alright? And then we have practice after school which doesn’t help, so I’m gonna have to catch a ride from Ash.” she said as she put some extra lip gloss on her lips. She pulled out a hand held mirror and looked at her makeup, winking at herself before closing it and putting it back in her purse.

Dean tried to not roll his eyes as he got out of the Impala and slid his keys into his back pocket, pulling his varsity jacket closed and his sleeves down. The nippy winds of March were blowing through the parking lot, blocking the Sun’s warmth from reaching them. He looked over his shoulder until Jo walked back and grabbed his hand, kissing him once more, and turning to walk towards their old high school. _One more year,_ Dean thought to himself. _One more year and then I can leave and I can forget this small town and never look back._

He kept his poker face on while they walked towards the building, though he had about a million thoughts running through his brain. He and his father had gotten into an argument the night before about what college Dean was going to attend next fall, and his father went ballistic when Dean revealed he hadn’t even started applying for colleges yet. They had two and a half months of school left, and his father was beyond pissed at Dean’s procrastination. He even reminded Dean that the University of Ohio offered him a full four year scholarship for football, but Dean didn’t want that. He liked playing football, but he just didn’t see that as his future or even part of his future. Maybe if he had his own sons, but besides that, football wasn’t even a possibility in the future he wanted. 

Then there was the fact that prom was coming up and Jo was pressuring him into doing one of the stupid prom-posal things that everyone else was doing at the school. Every time one of her fellow cheerleaders had a prom-posal, Jo would go on a thirty minute rant about how Dean didn’t do anything as sweet as that, which would then turn into her breaking down and screaming at him, asking if he even cared about how she felt or if he even loved her anymore. It normally ended with Dean spending some money on some kind of gift to make up for his “stupidity” as she said. She made sure that they were going to prom together at least, but she was still prissy about the prom situation and every time someone even _mentioned_ the word “prom”, she would always shoot him a death glare. So Dean was trying to figure out some romantic kind of way to ask her to prom so that he could blow her away with it. But another thing about Jo was she wanted the best. She wouldn’t accept anything under perfection. She wanted it to be perfect so she would have bragging rights and show Dean off like a trophy. 

She hadn’t always been that way. Hell, when they were in grade school, Dean thought she was the prettiest, most perfect girl out there. They were close friends and once ninth grade Homecoming came, Dean gathered the courage to ask her out to the dance. At the time, she wasn’t a cheerleader and he was just starting out in football. She said yes and that was probably the best night of Dean’s life. And they’ve been dating on and off ever since. Through the years, though, Jo had turned from the prettiest girl to one of the worst girls there ever was. As she got older, she got more beautiful which of course, in turn, inflated her ego and her popularity status. She became head cheerleader and then when Dean became quarterback, Jo basically reached god status.

Dean didn’t know why he was still with her. Maybe it’s because he was just hoping that one day, he would re-discover the girl he fell in love with. That was the only thing that made him accept her every time she asked him to take her back. It didn’t matter that he caught her making out with three other guys from the football team in the past year, or that she bad-mouthed him for a few months, or even the fact that she bullied girls that weren’t “cool” enough to hang out with her, including his childhood best friend, Charlie Bradbury. He was just trying to keep faith that one day, he’d be able to bring Jo back down to earth and see the once beautiful angel he saw back in grade school.

Dean met a pair of green eyes that brought him out of his thoughts as he saw Charlie look up at him. He remembered the way they met, back in first grade. He saw some guys bullying her and he walked up to her, offering part of his peanut butter and banana sandwich. She took it gratefully and he invited her to come hang out under the shade tree where him and his younger brother Sam were sitting. Charlie followed him back and then she started sitting there with him every day, and he never cared along with Sam. From that day on, she had been his best friend and the number one person he always went to for help or to vent.

They stayed friends all the way until Junior year, when Jo split their friendship apart, threatening Dean and Charlie on separate occasions, telling them she’d ruin them both if they kept hanging out. She made it very clear that she disliked Charlie and Dean went along with her because he didn’t want Jo to leave. Then three months later, he found her having sex in the back of the school locker room with one of the members of the football team. Dean apologized to Charlie who forgave him and said she understood. So now Dean would text her every once in a blue moon, making sure she was okay or wishing her a happy birthday or happy holidays. But besides that, they really didn’t talk much. He hated himself for it, but he knew it was probably best. Sam still hung out with her, which was good enough. 

Dean was once again snapped out of his reverie as his eyes went from Charlie’s green ones to a pair of sea-blue ones. He sort of stopped in his tracks for a moment as he took in the complete stranger. He had never seen the young male before, he knew that for sure. He’d definitely remember a face like his. His black locks were mussed to the left and he was wearing an AC/DC shirt with a pair of black jeans and some grey converse. Dean felt his heart stop as he realized that those blue eyes were staring right back, and he couldn’t help but feel as if this stranger could see right through his escapade, analyzing his entire being and picking at every insecurity and secret that Dean had. The boy had a square jaw with dimples on either side of his cheeks, even though he wasn’t smiling. Dean could see a faint trace of stubble and when his eyes saw those chapped pink lips, he couldn't fight the dryness that made an appearance in his throat. 

Dean’s eyes snapped away quickly as he focused on walking towards the building and holding the door open for Jo to enter. He followed after her as she swayed her hips side to side, her skirt swaying with her as she flipped her blonde locks behind her shoulder, holding her chin high. He grabbed her hand and walked towards the senior hallway, refraining once more from rolling his eyes at all of the looks they got from everyone in the age range of fourteen through eighteen. They were a variety of different looks. Some stared with awe, while others stared with hatred and pure disgust. Most of them were held for Jo, which Dean was okay with. He knew Jo’s confidence was big enough that the looks didn’t affect her much.

They made their way to the deep blue lockers in the senior hallway, Dean dropping her off at hers while he made his way to his own which was five rows down. He opened the locker up and grabbed his gym clothes, preparing for his fifth period weights class when he felt a hand on his back. He turned around and felt his body relax as he met the hazel eyes of his younger brother. “‘Sup, bitch?”

Sam rolled his eyes. “Nothing much, jerk. I just wanted to stop by and see if you got my text?” he asked as he pushed his brown locks out of his eyes, his bangs just falling back into place on his forehead. 

Dean smiled slightly. “Yeah, I did. The one about you and Jess heading out to the movies after school and how you were going to take mom’s old car home.” he chuckled. “And for the record, considering you’re a junior, I should be shoving you into one of the lockers.” he said with a cheeky grin. Sam rolled his eyes. 

“Please.” he said with a smile, dimples kissing either side of his cheeks. Dean laughed and punched his shoulder. He felt some pride swell in his chest as he watched his little brother. Sam got lucky with his looks and big brains. He was only seventeen and he had his life planned. He practically had colleges applying for _him_ to go to them. It helped that Sam was in a lot of clubs and activities that made his school record look beautiful, but he also had the perfect GPA of 4.2, the .2 coming from his AP classes. 

“So how are you and Jess doing?” Dean raised an eyebrow as he closed his locker. That was another area that Sam had gotten lucky in. Love. Back when Sam was a freshman, he had the pleasure of introducing the new girl, Jessica Moore, to the school. They met on the first day of school and three months later, he asked her to be his girlfriend. Two and a half years later, they were still going strong. She was just as smart as him and they shared a lot of common interests. Dean had never seen Sam so head over heels before, but he loved it. Jess was a nice girl, the cliche ‘girl-next-door’, and somehow, Dean’s silly younger brother got her to fall for his charming self. 

Sam’s cheeks filled with a rosy pink color as he rubbed the back of his neck. “Really, really good.” he admitted. “She’s been offered a scholarship to one of the colleges that offered me one, which is nice.” he said as he toyed with his binder, picking at one of the loose plastic flaps. Dean raised an eyebrow.

“That’s all?” he asked. Sam opened his mouth but was interrupted by the chirp of the metal bell in their hallway. Dean sighed and shook his head, clapping Sam’s muscular shoulder. “Saved by the bell.” he laughed. He looked at Sam and then frowned. “Quit growing. Otherwise I’ll snap your legs in half.” he half-teased. He was rewarded with an eye roll before Sam clapped his shoulder back and walked off to his class. Dean chuckled and headed towards the gym for his weight class.

When Dean got dressed down and up into the weight room that was on the second floor of their school, he froze mid-walk as he saw the stranger from twenty minutes before. He was wearing some gym shorts and a gray tank top, exposing the young man’s biceps. He was more muscular than Dean had thought as Dean saw his back muscles become strained against the thin fabric of his gray tank top. He bit his lip and walked over to the rack that the young man was standing at, grabbing one of the heavier kettlebells and walking over to a small space in the corner of the room, starting his workout with lunges while holding the metal ball with his forearms. He couldn’t help but sneak glances at the new kid every once and awhile, watching him and studying him as he started to bench press with 50’s on either end of the bar.

His admiration was interrupted by a slap on his shoulder. He turned his head to look over at one of his close friends, Benny Lafitte. Benny grabbed a kettlebell and then joined Dean in their exercise. “Hey, brother.” he said in his southern accent as he started to do lunges. Dean met him back in sophomore year when he was getting jumped by some boys. Benny intervened and saved his ass from the fire. Since that night, they had been basically inseparable, just like Dean and Charlie had been before Jo severed the friendship.

“Hey.” Dean said with a nod before switching his exercise so that he was squatting with the forty pound ball in his hands. “Where the hell have you been the past few days? Baseball is starting up and Coach Singer has been harping on my ass to get you over to practice.” he said with a slight grin. Benny chuckled.

“I’ve been hanging out with Andrea.” Benny said with a slightly strained voice as he squatted down with the bell. “Sorry, brother. I’ll be showing up tomorrow though for practice.” he said with a smile. Dean rolled his eyes at the young girl’s name. Benny and her had apparently been dating for years before Benny switched over to Lawrence High during his sophomore year. They were “childhood sweethearts” as he put it. Dean had seen a few photos of her, but he never had the pleasure of meeting her because he had been too busy with sports and school. She was beautiful, from the photos he had seen. Chestnut brown hair, green irises that were almost transparent because of how light they were, and olive skin that only certain people seemed to posses. 

“Yeah, well, explain that to coach.” he chuckled as he set the kettlebell down on the ground, and wiped the small beads of sweat that were forming at his hairline. He sighed and popped his neck, feeling sweet relief as the knot disappeared. Benny laughed lightly with brevity as he set his own kettlebell down.

“Will do. How are you and Jo doin’?” 

Dean almost groaned. “She’s so hung up on the stupid prom-posal thing. It’s literally insane. I don’t know how the hell I’m going to please her, but I have about two weeks to plan it.” he sighed as he rubbed his throbbing temple. 

“Two weeks? Prom isn’t until the end of April.” Benny frowned, obviously not understanding.

“Yeah, well her and her brother are heading out to Mexico in a few days so that she can attend her father’s wedding apparently. They’re going to be gone for two and a half weeks and Jo’s made it crystal clear that I need to have the most amazing prom-posal set up for when she gets back.” he sighed as he picked the kettlebell up and walked it over to the rack. He couldn’t help but steal another glance as he saw the younger boy from earlier putting some heavier weights on the bar. Benny caught on to where Dean was looking and chuckled.

“His name is Castiel. Castiel Novak.” he said as he set his kettlebell down on the rack. Dean could feel his blood run cold at the name “Novak”.

“Novak? As in Michael Shurley's cousin Novak?” he frowned as he looked at Benny with confusion and distaste. Michael was someone who Dean hated with a burning passion. And that was something Dean barely did. Dean only hated two people in this world. John Winchester and Michael Shurley. Michael Shurley was one of Dean’s biggest rivals and one of his worst nightmares. Michael had been the boy who jumped Dean his sophomore year and who had been the one he caught fucking Jo during their junior year. Needless to say, Dean wasn’t Michael’s biggest fan.

“Yes sir. He flew in from NYC yesterday mornin’. It’s hard to believe they’re related though, seeing as how shy he seems.” 

“Just wait for it.” Dean said with brevity as his teeth gritted together. “The son of a bitch will be causing trouble soon enough. He should consider himself lucky that I haven’t beaten his ass to a pulp. If he even does so much as sneeze on me, he’ll regret it for the next two and a half months.” he said as he felt nothing but pure hatred bubble in his chest for the mysterious new kid named Castiel Novak.


	3. Castiel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _"...he felt his stomach drop with sudden realization. He was going to Sam Winchester’s house tonight. The brother of Dean Winchester, the quarterback who hated his guts with a fiery passion."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seriously, guys, you all need to check out my beta's work! She's an amazing writer and she's part of the reason I'm getting all of this stuff out as quick as I am <3 
> 
> My amazing beta's AO3: ninarweems
> 
> Enjoy xx

Castiel walked towards his locker, his hands white knuckling his books. He just wanted the day to be over but he still had one more class to get through. Fifth period had been amazing until he overheard Dean talking bad about him. Needless to say, it hurt that he had compared Castiel to Michael when in reality, Castiel was the polar opposite of Michael. Michael had always been outgoing and outspoken while Castiel was basically a doormat with legs. 

He sighed and walked into his sixth period class, looking around with nervousness. So far the only teacher that _hadn’t_ introduced him to the class was his fifth period teacher. And every time Castiel’s last name was said, they all stared at him with hatred or with fear. Apparently Michael had left an impression. He entered the room, taking in the simplicity of the room. It was actually quite different from his other classrooms as this room had white walls instead of blue and linoleum floors instead of carpet. He looked at the desks which were also laid out in a weird way, considering they were set up horizontally instead of vertically, a wide aisle in between them that led to a podium at the end of it with a projector behind the black object. Castiel walked back to the desk that was in the very last row, closest to the wall, and sat down. He looked down at the worn out textbook and traced the inscribed letters on the front cover.

 _Law and Order_. A ghost of a smile passed on Castiel’s lips. He had always found law fascinating, and when his counselor said that there was an elective for it, Castiel chose it right away. He found out that there was only one period for it and it was sixth period which was fine with him. He figured it would be best to end his day with something he loved. His brother Gabriel went to Harvard and became a professional lawyer that fights for humans who have had their rights stolen from them or for people who are too poor to afford a good lawyer. Although Gabriel was top of his class and passed the bar exam with a 92%, which was not an easy thing to do. So while Gabriel could easily make big bucks by defending celebrities, he went with the lower class citizens, which was something Castiel admired.

But when Gabriel first started law school, he always needed someone to help him study, and Castiel had just happened to be there. So instead of Castiel doing his homework for his Algebra teacher, he would be helping his older brother memorize facts and also learn facts about law. While Castiel didn’t want to be a lawyer, he still found the study of law fascinating and he wanted to learn as much about it as he could. He heard other people gathering in the classroom and he looked around, seeing a wide variety of ages in the classroom. Just as the bell rang, a boy walked into the room, wearing khaki shorts and a blue shirt with the Nike logo on it. Only when the boy walked to the computer did Castiel realize he was the teacher.

He didn’t look old enough to teach but as Castiel took in his posture and saw him a little more up close, he realized that he definitely was. He didn’t look any older than thirty-one though, which was odd. The man clapped and then walked down the aisle. “Alright, be quiet.” he said, but it was more in a teasing way than a serious way. As he walked down the aisle, he slammed down on a girl’s desk, making her head snap up. “Put your phone away, please and thank you.” he said before walking to the podium and turning around, looking around at the class with bright blue eyes. Castiel was extremely taken aback by how different this teacher was. He almost acted as if he was part of the class more than he was the leader. “Okay, entry task is up there and you guys should have had enough time to answer. So, tell me _class_ ,” he said with a slight smirk as he looked over at a group of girls, signaling them to pay attention, “What is it called in civil law when someone does something wrong.” 

Castiel knew the answer but he kept quiet, his social anxiety getting the best of him. Luckily, a hand shot up in the air and Castiel felt the tension leave his chest. The teacher looked at him and grabbed a stool, pulling it over about a foot away from the podium and climbing on top of it. He grabbed a meter stick from the whiteboard- why a Law and Order teacher would need a meter stick, Castiel would never know- and pointed at the young man. “Sam, go for it.”

“It’s called a tort.” the young boy, Sam, said. Castiel looked back at the teacher who nodded with a smile.  
“Alright, Mr. Winchester, can you tell me what it’s called when someone commits a wrong in criminal law?”

Castiel frowned when the teacher said ‘Winchester’. Castiel looked at Sam, who was sitting in the front row, and tilted his head with confusion. Unlike Dean, Sam had a much calmer and friendlier vibe. He had chestnut brown hair and thin lips, his nose pointed and his jaw was more pointed than square, and to top it off he had hazel eyes instead of bright green. But once Sam smiled, Castiel could see the resemblance a little more, recognizing the charming smile that could make any girl swoon, that only Dean seemed to posses. Until now that is. Maybe it was just a Winchester thing. “A crime. I feel like that’s extremely obvious, Mr. Hare.”

Castiel looked over at the teacher and couldn’t help but find the name suiting, considering his hair looked like it was something from an Abercrombie and Fitch ad. He rolled his eyes with a smile on his face. “Yeah, yeah.” he said with a smile as he waved his hand. He looked across the room and his eyes landed on Castiel. Castiel felt his eyes widen and he couldn’t help the small shake of his head that he gave, mentally begging Mr. Hare to not introduce him. He had had enough introducing for one day. Mr. Hare’s eyes softened slightly and Castiel felt relief flood through him once more as Mr. Hare stood up and walked to his podium, pulling the red textbook out and setting it down on the podium, opening the thick book. “Alright, open to page 432. We’re going to talk more about Criminal Law and a lot of the terms in there. Remember,” he said as he held the meter stick and slapped it against the whiteboard. “The courthouse field trip is on April 29th. I need your permission slips as soon as possible.”

Castiel felt his heart jump at the mention of ‘courthouse’ and ‘field trip’. Castiel had been to one courthouse, but it was back in New York City and it was years ago, when Gabriel decided to show him where he’d be working. Castiel opened his textbook and turned to the page, already thinking about how he would be asking for that permission slip as soon as he possibly could. He looked up at the podium, waiting patiently for Mr. Hare to start going through his lesson. “Okay, we’re gonna read some example cases and go over what the person did wrong and what they’d be charged with. Pretty basic stuff that I’ve been talking about for the past three weeks.” he said with a slight chuckle. He looked down at the book and then cleared his throat. “Case example A; Mr. Johnson is driving down the road one afternoon and he takes a sip of his drink. He goes to set it back down when he drops it onto his floor. He makes sure nobody is on the road around him before he bends down to get it. A civilian walks out into the street when Mr. Johnson hits him, killing him instantly. What would Mr. Johnson be charged with?”

“Involuntary manslaughter.” Castiel said before he can stop himself. He feels eyes look over at him, including Mr. Hare’s, and he feels a blush creep up his neck.

“What was that?” Mr. Hare asked with interest.

“Involuntary manslaughter.” Castiel said again, a little louder. He watched as Mr. Hare nodded. 

“And why would it be that?” he asked, encouraging Castiel to speak some more. 

“Because he was being negligent,” Castiel said quietly but evenly. “He should have pulled over, yet he kept driving. If that isn’t negligence, I dunno what is.” 

Mr. Hare chuckled and nodded. “You’re correct…?” he asked, aiming to get his name. 

“Castiel.” he said as he cleared his throat.

“Castiel,” the older man mirrored. He looked down at his book and started reading another case as Castiel felt his heartbeating erratically once more. He always hated public speaking and that was a leap out of his comfort zone. He rubbed the back of his neck, wishing he could recoil into the wall or, even better, into the floor. Maybe then he could get rid of the blush on his cheeks and the intense feeling that someone was watching him.

______

About fifteen minutes before class ended, Mr. Hare grabbed his javel and hit the podium two times, getting their attention. They all looked up at him, Castiel included, as he started to hand out a paper. When he handed Castiel the thin sheet, he realized it was a rubric for a project. But not just any project. No, it was a _partner_ project. Castiel felt his heart sink as Mr. Hare started talking. “Alright, this is a project that will be due in mid-April, which means you have two weeks to complete it. You and your partner will be studying and gathering information for a famous criminal case and will present it as a powerpoint in front of the class. I’ve taken the liberty to pick your partners for you so that way everyone gets a partner.” he said with a slight smirk before reading off names.

Castiel felt his chest grow tighter and tighter as he continued to read off names and Castiel’s wasn’t one of them. He couldn’t help but feel his fear grow more and more at the thought of working with someone he didn’t know. He didn’t have very many friends and he definitely wasn’t a social butterfly, but it did help when he at least had general knowledge about the person. But when he had never seen them before or they gave off a rude, mean vibe, it just fueled his anxiety. Finally he heard his name be called. He looked around the room and realized there were only three other people that could possibly be his partner. And one of them was the little brother of the greek god who saw Castiel as a punching bag. Of course, with Castiel’s luck, he heard Sam’s name be called right after his.

He sighed but nodded, looking down at his book. He supposed it could be worse. At least Sam gave off a happy, friendly vibe. He finished calling the other two names and then looked at the clock. “Alright, I’d suggest starting right away because you only have two weeks to do it.” He said as the bell rang. Everyone started getting their stuff and leaving, Castiel included. But he didn’t get very close to the door before Sam tapped his shoulder. Castiel turned around and mustered a smile.

“Hey, I was wondering where we should do our project?” Sam asked friendly, seeming genuine. Castiel pursed his lips slightly as he shrugged. Anywhere but his own home would work perfectly. 

“It doesn’t matter to me.” Castiel said as he gripped his book bag a little tighter. “We can work at the library if you want.” he offered, just trying to end the conversation as soon as he could. He just wanted to get in his car and buy some real food that didn’t taste as though it had been made with play-doh by third graders. 

Sam bit his lip. “I dunno. The library doesn’t stay open long and I have like thirty cases running through my mind. Plus, I’m going to the movies with my girlfriend tonight so I won’t be able to start tonight if we use the library. What about my house?” he suggested. “I have a laptop and high speed internet. I also have a shit ton of food and drinks.” he laughed. 

Castiel smiled a little, feeling his shoulders tension lessen slightly. “Um, alright. When do you want to start?” he asked as he raised an eyebrow, bouncing on his heels subtly, his stomach growling at him, yelling and protesting to get real food. 

“Can we start tonight? I’ll be home at six if you want to come by and work for an hour? If not, we can start tomorrow at around four.” he said as he watched Castiel, sensing the young man’s nerves.

Castiel nodded. “Six sounds great. Here, let me give you my number so you can text me your address.” Castiel said as he pulled out a piece of paper and a pencil. He handed Sam the paper and Sam grinned. He waved at Castiel and then walked out of the classroom, Castiel following close behind. As he dodged all of the people that were speed walking and herding around the doors, he felt his stomach drop with sudden realization. He was going to Sam Winchester’s house tonight. The brother of Dean Winchester, the quarterback who hated his guts with a fiery passion.

As Castiel made his way to his sleek, black, 2010 Mercedes Benz, he couldn’t help but feel fear bury itself in his gut. He closed the door and rested his forehead on the top of his steering wheel, his eyes closing with exhaustion and regret. He slid his book bag off his shoulder and into the passenger seat, his temple already starting to throb at the thought of being in a house with someone who hated him with every single fiber of his being. 

Although it’s not like he wasn’t used to that already.


	4. Dean

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _"Dean felt his throat go dry and once again, he instantly felt exposed, though it was more emotionally exposed than physically exposed. Although being shirtless didn’t help."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shout out to my lovely beta for helping me! :D
> 
> [TW]: emotional abuse

Dean walked up to his locker, his temple throbbing from the lecture his Psychology teacher, Mr. Death, had given them. He always found it ironic that his last name was Death although it definitely suited him. With gaunt cheeks, dull eyes, thin lips, and a crooked nose that only people who had been in multiple fights could have, he also had slicked black hair that always made Dean think of some villain. Yet the man couldn’t have been younger than seventy. And if he was as frail as he looked, Dean knew he wouldn’t be tough to beat. He sort of reminded Dean of a crow with the way he stared at Dean with his beady eyes. It was like he was just waiting for the perfect time to swoop in for the kill at any given moment.

He opened his locker, the door creaking open as he set his stuff in there and grabbed his varsity jacket, sliding it on and slamming his locker shut. He looked down at his phone and saw a text message appear from Jo, telling him to meet her outside of the girl’s locker room. He sighed and walked towards it, his headache only getting worse with every step. He just wanted to go home and sleep, not caring if he had four tests he needed to study for. He could study tomorrow during lunch while Jo was gossiping with her friends. Yet he knew that if he ignored her, he would never hear the end of her bitching and complaining, yelling at him for never responding to her texts and saying how he was never there for her. And that was how he lost fifty dollars in under five seconds. 

He gave a few high fives to some of the kids that walked past him and ignored the glares that he got from other kids that hated him. He eventually made his way to the locker room, already seeing Jo tapping her foot impatiently in her cheer uniform. He couldn’t lie to anyone about just how perfect Jo’s body was. And the uniform helped show her curves off too, which was just a bonus. Now if she would just have a genuine smile on her face instead of the sour scowl, she’d be picture perfect. She straightened her tight ponytail, pulling it so that it would be tighter. “What the hell took you so long, Dean? You literally can run a mile in under seven minutes, but you can’t get to the school gym in four?”

He sighed and pulled her into a soft kiss, sucking on her lower lip gently, knowing that it drove her wild. “I’m sorry, baby. I was pulled aside by a teacher. It won’t happen again, I promise.” he said as he kissed her forehead. “What’s wrong, baby girl?”

He could see the blush creep up her neck as she swayed her leg back and forth. “I just… I wanted to see you before I left.” she said softly, almost sounding like the old Jo he knew and loved. Almost. 

He frowned and his brows pinched together. “You’re leaving tonight? I thought you had tomorrow and Saturday?” he said as he stroked her cheek softly with the pad of his thumb. She leaned into his touch and he almost melted. 

“Daddy wants me to come in and help figure out last minute decor and then spend a few days together before they get married and head off on their honeymoon.” she said with a frown, stroking Dean’s bicep softly. “I’m sorry. I just got the call an hour ago.” she whispered. “Please don’t be mad.”

Dean shook his head. “No, I’m not mad. I get it.” he said softly, feeling an ache in his chest. “Look, just enjoy yourself, alright? Send me photos, especially in that bikini of yours.” he grinned. She giggled and slapped his chest softly. 

“Pervert.” she said with a small smile. Dean smiled widely as he started to see a hint of the girl he fell in love with, but it was ruined instantly as the door to the locker room opened and a girl with blonde hair stuck her head out, looking at Dean with disgust before looking at Jo.

“Jo, come on. We have to go to practice.” Ruby said rudely, her snarky attitude making Jo’s attitude do a 360. 

Dean had always had a pure disliking towards Ruby. He didn’t hate her like he did his father and Michael, but he disliked her so much, it came close. He still remembered the day Ruby tried to tear Sam and Jess’ relationship apart because she liked Sam and wanted him for herself. Dean had to step in and tell her to fuck off after she had scared Jess so much, she avoided Sam for a week. Needless to say, she was a bitch and Dean couldn’t stand her. And the feeling between them was definitely mutual.

“Yeah, whatever. Just make sure the fat bitch Meg doesn’t mess us up. I’ll be there in five to lead exercise. Get them into position A.” she said before turning back and kissing Dean chastely and then walking into the locker room. Dean lowered his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. He was so close.

About forty minutes later, he found himself driving down the street they lived on and pulling into his driveway. He parked Baby and then got out, heading into the house and feeling completely drained from energy. He closed the door behind him and set his keys in the bowl by the door, frowning as he saw another set of keys. He looked down at his phone and saw it was only 4:30pm. His dad wasn’t supposed to be home until about two in the morning because he always worked night shifts on Wednesdays and the weekends. 

“Dad?” Dean shouted through the house as he set his phone down and walked into the kitchen. He had the worst feeling in his gut that his dad being home was definitely not a good sign. Whenever his father was home this early, he was usually raiding the liquor cabinet. That’s the reason Dean started putting a lock on it. Don’t get him wrong, he loved John to bits… at times. But when his dad had too much alcohol in his system, he could be the worst person in the world. Dean turned the corner and sure enough, John was trying to break the deadbolt lock on the cabinet. John turned to him and shot him a glare.

“You want to explain to me as to why this cabinet is locked, boy?” he asked with a menacing tone. Dean swallowed, hating how that tone brought back so many dark memories, along with the name. Normally, with that tone and name, some type of abuse was going to follow.

 

“Dad, you and I both know why it’s locked.” Dean said with the little courage he had left. John stood up straight and glared at him, radiating anger as he slowly walked towards him. Dean felt the courage burn away and he inhaled deeply, standing straight and not letting his fear get the best of him. 

“What was that, boy?” he spat, his jaw and fists clenched tightly as he continued walking towards him, causing Dean to step backward slowly. Dean clenched his own fists but not in anger. In fear. 

“Dad, why are you home? You should be at work.” Dean said, averting the question. John tilted his head at him and and then rubbed his face, the look of fury in his eyes still very present. 

“I’m on lunch. Now answer my fucking question you piece of shit. Why is the cabinet locked?” he asked as he got into Dean’s face. 

“Because you shouldn’t be drunk when you’re going to work.” Dean said calmly even though he was feeling anything but. He was now pressed against the wall, looking John square in the eyes. He leaned in and they were nose to nose. He slammed his hands on either side of Dean’s head.

“I don’t give a fuck what you think I should or shouldn’t be. You don’t get a say in what I do. I’m the parent, you’re the child, you pathetic piece of shit. And some fucking child.” he growled. “Sam’s a better kid than you are and you’re older than him. He’s got colleges applying to him, yet you can’t get a job because nobody wants your pathetic ass. I’m surprised you even have that looker of a girlfriend that you do.” he squinted his eyes. “You don’t mess with me and my liquor, boy. You understand me?” he yelled into Dean’s face. “I’m going to work. If I come home and I don’t have access to any liquor, your ass is grass and I’m the fucking lawn mower. Understood?” he asked with a demanding tone.

Dean gave a curt nod, attempting to keep himself together. “Yes, sir.” he said, trying to not let the tears gather in his eyes.

“Good.” John snarled and then pushed himself away, grabbing his keys. Dean watched him walk out of the house and slam the door behind him. He waited until he heard John start up his car and pull out of the driveway. As soon as the sound of his engine was gone, Dean slowly slid down the wall and curled up into a ball, his forehead on his knees. _Five minutes. You can cry for five minutes and then you must move on._ he told himself repeatedly as he wrapped his arms around his legs and let a sob escape him.

______

Dean was sitting on the couch, scrolling through his phone when he heard a faint knock on the door. He looked at the time and saw it was about 6:15pm. He sighed as he slowly got up, stretching his back as he ran a hand through his damp hair, not caring to put on a shirt. He worked his ass off to get the muscles he had. He had a right to show them off. He walked over to the door, figuring Sam had probably forgotten his house key. He had done that multiple times before, so this was nothing new to Dean. 

He grabbed the golden handle and pulled the door open, not even bothering to look at who was there. He turned around and walked back to the living room. “Dude, you have to start remembering your house key, for Christ’s sake. I swear, one of these days I’m not gonna be here to save your ass and then you’re probably going to get, like, kidnapped or something, I dunno.” he said as he turned around. “And anot-” he stopped as his green eyes met wide blue ones. Dean felt his throat go dry and once again, he instantly felt exposed, though it was more emotionally exposed than physically exposed. Although being shirtless didn’t help.

Castiel’s eyes fleeted down his body quickly before meeting Dean’s eyes again, and he felt the same way he had earlier when he was walking into school. It was as if this man could see every single secret and flaw and insecurity Dean had, as if he were nitpicking each and every mistake Dean had made and were deciding which one he would use against Dean first. Dean swallowed and felt pure anger bubble in his chest. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing in my house?”

Castiel blinked and then hesitated. “I-I’m here for Sam.” he said as if it were more of a question than an answer. Dean glared at him and walked towards him, every one of his muscles tense. Seeing this kid at school was one thing, but seeing him in his own home? No, Dean wasn’t going to accept that. As he walked towards him, he glared the entire time. “I apologize for barging in… I thought maybe you knew.”

Dean scowled. “If I had known, I would have put an end to it before it even started. How do you even know my brother?” he hissed. “My brother definitely wouldn’t hang out with a Novak. He can be very idiotic, but he’s not that stupid.” he spat. He could see Castiel’s cheeks turn a light pink, but Dean couldn’t tell if it was from embarrassment or anger.

“I’m his partner for a project,” Castiel said as he fidgeted with his book bag. “He’s in my sixth period class and we were paired by the teacher.”

Dean felt some of his anger subside and he shook his head. “Sam isn’t here yet, so I think it’d be best if you-”

“Oh, I see you’ve met my partner.” Sam said as he walked through the door, closing it behind him. He frowned as he sensed the extreme tension in the room. “Um, we’re working on a project for Law and Order.” he added. Castiel looked from Sam to Dean and then down at the floor.

“Yeah. So I’ve been told.” Dean said with a glare as he studied Castiel. He knew he was being a little extreme with his grudge, but every time he saw Castiel, all he could think of was Michael. They both had black hair and blue eyes, though Michael’s were a shade lighter. The only difference was Michael was more muscular and taller than Castiel was. Dean huffed quietly and moved over to the couch. “I want him gone no later than eight.”

Sam rolled his eyes and nodded his head towards the carpeted stairs that led to the second story of the house. “Come on, my room’s up there. It’s the second door on the left.” he said as he offered a smile to Castiel, trying to ease the tension. He had no idea what had gotten into Dean, but he was determined to find out once Castiel had left. But for now, he and Castiel had a project to do. Castiel nodded and turned to go up the stairs when Sam stopped him. “Do you like Coke or Pepsi?”

Castiel stopped for a moment and pondered the thought. “I’d like a Coke if that’s alright.” he said with a slightly forced smile before heading back upstairs. Sam nodded and then turned and raised an eyebrow at Dean. He had never seen Dean so… _hateful_. Dean looked back at him, his eyebrows furrowed.

“What?” he asked defensively.

“You’re being a dick.” Sam said as he crossed his arms, giving a look of disapproval. “You gotta lay off, dude. What did the poor guy do to you? He’s only been at school for one day and you’re acting as if he’s the spawn of Satan.” he frowned. 

Dean rubbed the back of his head, feeling his anger fade as embarrassment took over. He couldn’t meet Sam’s eyes for a few moments before he finally looked back at him. Sam didn’t know Michael was the one who jumped him. He knew that Dean hated Michael with a passion, but he didn’t know why. And as far as Dean was concerned, he didn’t _need_ to know why. “I have my reasons, Sam. You can’t tell me who I can and can’t like.”

“I’m not saying you need to grab hands and skip down the sidewalk to school everyday.” he said with a little frustration. “I’m just saying to give the poor guy a chance. Dean, he’s from a completely different state and he’s been here for less than twenty-four hours. He’s already shy enough as it is, he doesn’t need the head honcho of our school chasing him around in circles all day. I would like to try and befriend him but that’s gonna be difficult if you keep scaring him away.”

Dean felt his blood boil. “Seriously? You want to be _friends_ with him?” he asked as if Sam was a madman. Sam scoffed and shook his head. 

“Dean, just give him a try, will you? Jesus.” he muttered as he walked past Dean to grab two Cokes. He grabbed a third one and handed it to Dean. “And pull the stick out of your ass that Jo has so kindly shoved up there.” he added before running up the stairs, leaving Dean to sulk in his anger and frustration.


	5. Castiel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _"But what was the main thing Castiel hated the most about Dean? Just how attractive the son of a bitch was."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, s/o to my lovely beta @ninarweems for helping me with this <3
> 
> [TW]: Implied Self-harm/aftermath of self harm/mention of wounds from self-harm
> 
> If you don't want to read the chapter because it might Trigger you, then feel free to go to the next one! :) 
> 
> But enjoy, lovelies! <3

Castiel knew he had always been different than the people he had grown up with and grown around. For example, he loved the rain. It’s scent, it’s taste, the way it felt on his skin when it downpoured. But everyone else he had ever met hated it. They wanted sunshine and daisies and green grass to play in. He also loved tea more than coffee, which was almost absurd in North America. Every time he went to a coffee stand and ordered tea, he got bizarre looks from everyone within a twenty foot radius of him. He loved staying up until early hours in the morning with the peace and quiet surrounding him like a fortress of safety while everyone else loved being awake during the day and basking under the sun. He was just always different.

So of course, when it came to who he liked, his gender preferences were different too. At first he thought it was completely normal. So while all the other boys were playing tag at school with the girls, saying they had cooties and such, Castiel would be playing with the girls and coloring along side them. It was a pretty peaceful life until puberty hit, along with all of the feelings he started getting. But while his cousins were getting girlfriends and having their first kiss, etc. etc., Castiel was freaking out every time a girl tried to touch anything below his waist. And then he met a guy back in New York City when he was fifteen and everything made sense. And when Castiel and Sebastian kissed, it basically just sealed the deal away. 

Of course he never came out to his family. Well, all except for Gabriel. And it was only because Gabriel had walked in on him watching gay porn. Yeah, that was an extremely awkward situation that Castiel and Gabriel didn’t ever talk about. After that night, Gabriel knew but he didn’t bring it up, which was fine with Castiel. And the best part was that Gabriel didn’t care. He just made sure that Castiel always had condoms with him, which weren’t needed because he had never had any sexual thoughts when it came to his past boyfriends. 

Which brought him to the thought of Dean Winchester, the boy he hated with passion. He hated everything about him. He hated his smartass personality, his cocky smile, his rudeness. For the past week, the one and only, infamous, Dean Winchester himself had been making his life a living hell. And he still had a week and a half to go before the project was due. He and Sam had actually been getting along pretty well. Sam invited Castiel to sit with him and Jess, and Castiel brought Charlie with. For the most part, it was great and he was slowly fitting the puzzle pieces into place. 

But then fifth period came along and he felt the puzzle be scattered by those intense green eyes staring him down in the weight room. And it didn’t help that when Castiel went over to Sam’s house, Dean would just be giving him the same death glare he gave him at school. He hadn’t even done anything to the man, and Dean was acting as if Castiel murdered his entire family in cold blood. It wasn’t fair to Castiel at all. But then again, when had life ever been fair? Yes, Castiel hated him with a passion. He hated just how cold and heartless Dean was being. But what was the main thing Castiel hated the most about Dean? Just how attractive the son of a bitch was.

As Castiel stared at himself in the mirror, his hair sopping wet and his body glistening with water from the shower, he rubbed his hair with the towel and then shook his head quickly, almost dog like. He ran a hand through his hair and then froze when he saw the scabbed cuts on his forearm. He looked down at them and then looked away, as if that made the issue disappear completely and had never happened in the first place. He just reminded himself that he was going to need to wear a jacket over his shirt, that’s all. He wrapped the towel around his waist and opened the bathroom door, the steam escaping the room as a white cloud, as if though he were walking out of a sauna. 

He walked back to his bedroom and closed the door, locking it before walking over to his closet. He grabbed a black V-neck and then a black jacket and slid both of them on. He got into some black jeans and then laced his converse up. He walked back into the bathroom and shaved what little stubble he had and then threw the razor away and walked back into his room, grabbing his phone and looking at the time. He sighed and slid the phone into his pocket. “Time flies when you’re being tormented by the devil.” he said to no one in particular as he walked out of the room, grabbing his keys. He slid his backpack onto his shoulder and then left the house without another word. 

About thirty minutes later, he was at school and already feeling like death. He walked down the senior hallway, avoiding all human contact that he could. He lucked out with the weather. It was torrential downpouring outside so the whole ‘hoodie’ thing wouldn’t be weird or out of place. Now had it been sunny and hot, Castiel would have gotten a few more weird looks. As he lowered his head, he felt himself trip over himself and then he was stumbling out of control. He didn’t even get the chance to catch himself before he fell into an innocent body. But not just any body. The body of Benny Lafitte. The boy turned around and glared at Castiel, pushing him back into the lockers. “Watch where you’re going you freak.”

Castiel bit the inside of his cheek, feeling his cheeks turn pink with anger. The guys behind Benny started laughing and Castiel couldn’t help but feel a very familiar burning sensation on his head that could only be caused by the glare of Dean Winchester. He looked at Dean who’s eyes were filled with slight amusement. Castiel turned back to Benny and then brushed his jacket. “It wasn’t on purpose.” he muttered as he grabbed his backpack off the floor. 

“What was that, Novak?” he asked, his nose scrunched up. He walked towards Castiel, towering over him as he grabbed Castiel’s hair and pushed him against the wall. His breath reeked of some odor that Castiel could only describe as death mixed with mint. Castiel swallowed but didn’t break eye contact.

“I said it wasn’t on purpose, you dick.” he said a little louder as he pushed Benny off of him. He shrugged his jacket on and turned to see Benny swinging at him. He ducked as he felt Benny’s arm brush his hair. He felt a body step between them and he let out a breath of relief, noticing the scent immediately. 

“Dean, tell your guard dog to leave him alone.” Sam said firmly, his eyes shooting Dean a harsh look. Castiel slowly stood up and watched as Dean pushed Benny back. Castiel huffed out a breath and shrugged his backpack on, feeling his heart beating fastly. Sam turned around and pushed Castiel gently, leading him down to his locker. Castiel moved his hair to the side with a shake of his head as he set his bag in his locker. “You okay?”

Castiel nodded and cleared his throat, grabbing his math book. “Yeah, I’m good.” he said with a sigh and closed his locker. “Thank you for that. You’re brother wasn’t going to stop him and I know no one else would have intervened.” he muttered as he turned on his heel to walk off to his class. Sam gripped his shoulder and gave it a reassuring squeeze.

“I know he’s being a major jackass, but Dean does have a good heart, you know?” 

Castiel fought the laugh that tried to escape him. If he meant cold, frozen, empty space by ‘good heart’ then yeah. He was correct. “Alright.” he nodded before walking off to his class. His head was throbbing and he already felt exhausted and as if his brain were going to explode any moment. He just wanted this day to be over, but he knew it was far from it. He still had to deal with them in fifth period and he knew no one would intervene in that class. 

It’s not that Castiel couldn’t fight. He could lift 250 pounds easily and he had enough experience in karate and jiu-jitsu that he could knock Benny out cold before he could say “freak”. But Castiel had never been one for confrontation. He hated that with a passion because he honestly wasn’t a fighting person. He didn’t go looking for trouble or try to pick fights with the alphas in the school. He wasn’t that much of an idiot and he didn’t have a death wish. He got into his classroom and sat down, rubbing his cheek as he pinched the bridge of his nose. He really shouldn’t have gotten out of bed that morning. 

______

He walked into the locker room and dressed down quickly, making sure to keep his jacket on as he slipped into his gym clothes. He always showed up early to the locker rooms, about five minutes or so, so that he would have enough time to get dressed in peace instead of being shoved around or having his head being put in a toilet. He walked out of the locker room and walked up the steps and into the weight room. There were already a few people in the room setting up their stations, but it was only two or three people. Castiel respectively went to his corner and grabbed the pull up bar, making sure it was locked into place for his height. He grabbed it with both hands firmly and slowly pulled himself up, breathing in as he went up and then exhaling as he went down.

He kept his body straight and stiff as he continued to move his muscles, his busied brain clearing quickly as he focused on his breathing. Castiel wasn’t a workout freak, but he always found that it helped distract him from what was going on in his brain. Some people would use writing or drawing as their helping tool to distract them. But Castiel found that the feeling of his lungs burning and his heart getting ready to do a dive out of his chest while his lunch was doing backflips in his stomach was definitely an easy distraction from troubling thoughts. 

As he heard the bell ring, he slowly came to a stop and then dropped down, shaking his hands and walking over to grab one of the kettlebells. As he grabbed one of the heavy ones that were marked with blue tape, he heard footsteps come up behind him. He sighed and turned around, expecting to meet blue eyes that belonged to Benny. But instead, he was met with bright green ones that belonged to the beautiful asshole that had been tormenting him all week. He swallowed as he felt his throat go dry, hating how much of an affect Dean had on him. He couldn’t help but feel as if Dean had some secret window-that only he knew about-so he could peek through to stare at Castiel’s soul and see his darkest secrets and thoughts. 

He ducked his head and slowly walked over to the corner of the room, pulling his sleeves up a bit so that the kettlebell wouldn’t get caught on them. He started doing lunges when he heard someone walk over towards him. Castiel gave a fleeting look and felt his stomach fill with unease as he saw Dean start squatting down beside him, mirroring his workout. “Sorry, but my target hours are during passing periods and after school.” he muttered as he did another in-place lunge. “You’ll have to set an appointment.”

Dean rolled his eyes. “I wanted to apologize for Benny.” he said awkwardly as he continued to bend down before switching over to squatting with the heavy weight. Castiel raised an eyebrow.

“Wow. I almost get punched and that’s what you apologize for?” he asked with a cold chuckle. Dean glared at him, setting his weight down. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” he scowled. Castiel sighed and grabbed the kettlebell, setting it down on the rack and turning to face Dean. 

“You don’t like me and I sure as hell don’t like you.” he stated with a cocky attitude, feeling his anger surge through him. “So you don’t have to feign guilt just because your brother stopped your lap dog from biting me.” he said before turning on his heel to walk towards the other side of the weight room, feeling his anger grow into fury. He needed to get as far away from this gorgeous prick before he knocked him on his ass.

Dean glared at the back of his head and gripped his forearm tightly, yanking him back. But he was startled to feel a fist connect with his jaw harshly and quickly, Castiel yanking his forearm away from Dean in pain. Dean grabbed his jaw and his eyes fleeted to Castiel, noticing the way he quickly tugged his sleeve down and the tears pooling in his eyes. “Don’t touch me, you fucking prick.” he spat before leaving the weight room silently, leaving everyone in the room in shock as they stared at Dean with pure horror, waiting for him to explode. But Dean wasn’t focusing on them. He was focusing on the stripes of blood in his right hand.

Castiel walked into the locker room and let out a quiet sob as he pulled his sleeve down and saw the blood flowing down his arm. He sniffled as he walked over to the sink and turned the water on, hissing as the cold water only added to the sting. He watched the pastel pink water drain away until it was clear water once more. He turned the water off and walked over to the first aid kit on the wall and pulled out some gauze and medical tape, setting the gauze on his arm and then taping his arm a few times. He let out a sharp breath of relief before pulling his jacket sleeve down and walking back to the sink, washing his hands off. He got dressed quickly, not caring that he still had forty-five minutes left of class. He sniffed and wiped his eyes before leaving the locker room and getting as far away from the weight room as he possibly could. He decided the Library would probably be the best place for him to go, considering books always calmed him down. He swallowed the sob trying to escape his throat as he shook his head, his hair swooping to the side. 

He really, really, _really_ hated Dean Winchester.


	6. Dean

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _"...I’m here for you too.” he said before coughing slightly and letting go of Castiel’s bicep, already missing the feeling of their skin touching each other’s._
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> _What the fuck?"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> s/o to my amazing beta-as always- @ninarweems for helping me edit this <3 
> 
> Enjoy xx

Dean was pacing back and forth in the living room slowly, deciding how he should approach the situation in front of him. He had about twenty minutes until Castiel came over to study with Sam, and he honestly had no idea what he was going to say or do. He stopped for a moment and felt a large ball of guilt sit heavily in his chest. He hated himself for how he had been treating Castiel the past week, especially now that he knew what Castiel was going through. The demons that Castiel had been dealing with behind closed doors. The demons that Dean knew all too well. He ran a hand through his hair, messing up his bronze locks, as he let out a deep sigh. He knew he was overthinking this and he knew that he was probably putting too much blame on himself for something that wasn’t in his control.

But he had been a complete prick over the past week. It was strange because throughout the day, he was extremely relaxed, happy even. But once fifth period came, he would be tensed up and rude and cold. All because of Castiel Novak, the cousin of the man he hated with a passion. But when Castiel had stood up for himself earlier that day, it was sort of like a slap to Dean’s ego. And when Dean hurt Castiel the way he did… he couldn’t explain why he hated the look of hurt in Castiel’s eyes. Normally, when Dean hurt anyone Michael was related to or cared about, he felt an extreme amount of satisfying pleasure. Like the time when he punched Lucifer multiple times because he caught him flirting with Jo. Or the time Dean egged his car with Benny and Crowley, while Michael was sick and at home. The best memory was probably when he carved the word ‘prick’ onto the front of Michael’s locker. He got three weeks of detention for it, but it was totally worth it.

But when Castiel looked at him with those wounded blue eyes… it hurt Dean more than he’d like to admit. He couldn’t explain why it hurt him or how it hurt him. But it felt almost like a punch to the gut. And earlier, when he saw Benny shove Castiel into the wall, gripping his hair and making him face Benny, Dean expected to feel satisfaction and happiness course through him. But instead, he felt a shocking jolt of anger and hatred run through his body, and the only thing he wanted to do was punch Benny until Benny couldn’t see straight. Luckily, Dean was good at keeping his poker face on. But Dean felt the need to… _apologize_ to Castiel after that, which was something that he didn’t do. Dean Winchester did not apologize.

Yet there he was in fifth period, swallowing his pride as he walked over to the boy who he had been loathing for the past week, apologizing for his friend’s behavior. He wasn’t surprised by the way Castiel snapped back at him. If anything, he would have been surprised if Castiel _hadn’t_ snapped at him. Dean’s hand absentmindedly brushed the small bruise that had formed on the side of his face. Yeah, he didn’t blame Castiel for that either.

Dean’s thoughts were interrupted as he heard a car pull up in the driveway. Dean cleared his throat and walked over to the couch, sitting down and resting his feet on the glass coffee table, grabbing his phone and getting ready to scroll through it when he realized he had missed five calls from Sam and four calls from an unknown number. As Dean unlocked his phone, the door slammed open and Sam walked in, glaring at him. “So you were ignoring me?”

Dean’s brows pinched together and he slowly stood up. “I was napping and my phone was still on vibrate. What happened?” he asked, trying to ignore the fact that Castiel was right behind Sam.

“My car broke down.” Sam said as he dropped his bags on the floor. “In the middle of pouring down rain. And I was stranded for a good thirty minutes.” he scowled. “But thankfully, someone knew how to pick up their phone and I was able to get a ride home!” he shouted as he held his hand towards Castiel’s direction. “So now, you’re going to go out in the pouring down rain and get my car for me.”

“What makes you think that I can-”

“Dean, you’ve fixed Baby with two popsicle sticks, four paper clips, a chewed up piece of gum, and some electrical tape before. You can get my car to start and drive it home.” 

Dean sighed and then nodded. “Yeah, yeah. Alright. But you’re going to come with me. I need someone to drive your car back while I drive Baby.” he said as he bent over and grabbed his jacket, sliding it on him. He looked back to see Sam shake his head.

“No, I’m going to get a shower taken and then try to save my computer from how much water it endured while I was stuck.” he said as he pushed his bangs out of his face. Dean frowned.

“Sam, who else is go-” he looked at Castiel and then back at Sam, already knowing where he was going with this. “Sam, no. Absolutely not.”

 

Dean grumbled as he drove down the road, his eyes narrowed with a white-knuckled grip on the wheel. He was radiating anger while Castiel was radiating awkwardness in the passenger seat beside him. Castiel didn’t know what to touch and what not to touch. All he knew was that Dean and him had never been this close before and he would have prefered for it to stay that way. Dean sighed as he came to a stop at a red light, not quite sure what to say or do. He still wanted to confront the situation that him and Castiel had had earlier, but he didn’t know how to. He wasn’t Castiel’s friend or family member. It really wasn’t any of his business what Castiel did in his spare time. Yet he couldn’t help but worry too. It wouldn’t be the first time someone he’d known had died by their own choice.

“Look,” he said finally as the light turned green. “About earli-”

“Stop right there.”

Dean looked over at him before looking back at the road. “What?”

“We don’t need to talk about it and we won’t talk about it.” Castiel said as he looked out his window. “It happened, yeah, but sometimes things that happened don’t need to be brought up.” he said as he lowered his eyes slightly, biting the inside of his cheek. He hated being so cold and rude. It really wasn’t his personality type. But he knew that Dean hated him and he hated Dean. So he was okay with them just being enemies instead of mixing everything together. “Besides, it’s not like you actually care.”

Dean gritted his teeth and let another wave of anger reek off his body. “I’m trying to be nice, here.”

“Oh, good for you, Dean. Would you like a cookie and a participation ribbon?” Castiel snapped before staring out his window. After a week of being tormented by this prick, it felt pretty damn good to let some of the steam off. 

“Okay, I get I haven’t been the best person this past week.” he said as he glanced at Castiel. “And I know I’m a prick. But I just…” he let his voice fade. What was he trying to say? That he’d be there for him? Yeah, totally, because that’s how real life worked. 

“Figured as much.” Castiel muttered as he let out a soft breath. Just when he thought that maybe they were actually getting somewhere. 

“I apologize.” he said finally as he turned the corner and started driving down the road that Sam had broken down on. “I know that I’ve been nothing but.. Rude to you and…” he bit the inside of his cheek. 

“Seriously, you should be a motivational speaker. Truly inspiring.” Castiel mumbled as Dean came to a stop. He went to get out of the car when Dean brought him back. Castiel couldn’t help but feel a small spark of electricity shoot through his bicep when Dean grabbed it. 

“I’m trying to apologize for being a dick and I want you to know that… That even if he doesn’t seem like it, Sam is a really good person to talk to.” Dean said finally. “And… I… I’m here for you too.” he said before coughing slightly and letting go of Castiel’s bicep, already missing the feeling of their skin touching each other’s.

_What the fuck?_

Castiel stared at him for a moment, his eyes looking up and down his body as he squinted at him, not quite sure if Dean was being serious or not. “So after a week of hating me and tormenting me, once you find out I hurt myself, you want to apologize and make up for it?” he said coldly before taking a deep breath and turning away from Dean, looking down into his lap. He couldn’t count how many times he had heard that phrase from people. ‘I’m here for you’ and ‘I’m a good listener. I can help you’. They were just a bunch of words that meant nothing. Because nobody ever truly cared. Not when it came to him.

Dean sighed and turned the headlights on, noticing the sun was already setting down. “At least I can say I tried.” he muttered before getting out, slamming the door behind him. Castiel watched as he walked over and pushed the hood up, looking at the engine for awhile. As he started to move, Castiel watched the way his back muscles pulled against the fabric of his gray shirt and the way it lifted up above his hips, exposing some tan skin…. 

_No, Castiel. Stop it._ he hissed at himself inwardly. He started fumbling with his fingers and knotting them together before a slam on the hood brought him back to the present. He looked up and saw Dean signaling for him to come out. Castiel walked out and closed the door to the Impala, walking over to Dean as he ignored the pouring down rain that was falling. He walked over next to Dean and watched him, raising an eyebrow as if to signal Dean to give him directions. 

“Go inside the car and try to start it. Here’s the key.” he said as he gave Castiel the black key to Sam’s 2011 Chevy Malibu. Castiel nodded and walked over, sitting inside the driver’s seat. Dean signaled for him to start the car and he heard the engine try to start but then sputter. Dean sighed and looked around the engine, trying to find any kind of error in the machinery or around it that could be causing this. Dean raised an eyebrow as he saw a few tubes pulled apart and he bent over the engine, connecting them together and tightening the latch on their ends. 

He signaled for Castiel to do it again and Castiel nodded, turning the key and starting up the engine once more. Dean heard the engine turn over and start purring as it hummed to life. He smiled and then closed the lid, nodding his head and walking to Castiel’s window. “Alright, we should be good. I’ll drive behind you in case it starts to act up again, but I think you’ll be safe to drive it back to the house.”

Castiel nodded and turned on the headlights. Dean got back into the Impala and waited for Castiel to drive in front of him and then he buckled up and started following. He sighed and decided to turn on some music to just try and keep his mind occupied. His offer to Castiel was a bust, though he wasn’t exactly surprised. If he had been in Castiel’s shoes, he would have been the same way.

About twenty minutes later, they were pulling up to the driveway of their home. Castiel parked Sam’s car first and then Dean parked his in the garage. The rain had stopped for the time being and the sun had officially gone down. As Dean walked out of the garage and closed it, he felt a presence behind him, radiating warmth. He turned around and looked down at Castiel. “I want to thank you.” he said awkwardly. Dean raised an eyebrow.

“For what?”

“For trying to apologize. I mean, you failed miserably. But you tried.”

Dean sighed and then shrugged. “You’re welcome?” he asked with a slight laugh. Castiel smiled back and then nodded, pursing his lips. 

“Look, I know Michael is a sadistic dick. I get it. But… I’m not like him.” Castiel said finally. “I’m honestly the polar opposite and at this point? I think we’ve got off on the wrong foot.”

Dean smiled shyly and then nodded. “Yeah. Should we just… start over?” he asked. He usually wasn’t one for “re-do’s” and such, but he figured he’d let this one slide.

Castiel raised an eyebrow and pondered the thought before shrugging. “If you want to, then sure.” he said with a nod. 

Dean let out a light laugh. “Yeah.” he said as he rubbed the back of his neck, not one for being good with feelings. “Yeah, that sounds good.”


	7. Dean

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _He hated crying. He hated letting the tears escape him and he hated how much this was affecting him. But mostly, he hated Benny Lafitte._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shoutout to my amazing beta @ninarweems <3 
> 
> Enjoy xx

Dean closed his locker and stretched his back, a dopey smile on his face. As if Benny could sense it, he slapped Dean’s shoulder before appearing in front of him. “Hey, brother.” he said with a smile, his blue eyes filled with amusement as he looked Dean up and down. Dean nodded his head before shoving his phone into his pocket. “What’s got you smiling like you’re high?” he chuckled as he opened his locker and pulled out his backpack. Dean raised an eyebrow but then laughed. 

“Jo’s coming back today.” he said with a grin. It had been over three weeks since he had last seen her-she decided to stay a week after to tour around Mexico with her brother and some friends-and he couldn’t help but have a melancholic feeling in his chest the entire time she was away. She still made him happy, even if she was a major bitch and was horrible most of the time. He had known her for years and she was one of the few people that he could truly say he loved. Even after all the shit she’s put him through, he stayed loyal and faithful to her. He could already imagine the look of surprise on her face when she sees the ring he bought her. 

“Jeez, already?” Benny chuckled. “It feels as if she just left yesterday.” 

Dean laughed and nodded, not being able to fight the same thought that came to his mind. She had sent him some photos within the past three weeks, spanning from the night she got in, to the day her father got married. She sent some photos of her in her bikini, which Dean couldn’t help but adore. She looked as if she had gotten tanner and her hair was more blonde from the sun’s rays, yet it only seemed to make her glow more. Dean looked down at his phone and then back up at Benny. “Please, tell me you’re going to practice today, yeah?” he asked as he pinched his brows together. 

Benny rolled his eyes but nodded. “Dean, I’ll be there. We have practice at four, right?”

Dean nodded and looked back at his phone to make sure he saw the time right. “Yeah, at four. And it’s 3:45pm, dude. Coach Singer will have your balls on a stick if you don’t show up today.”

Benny nodded and waved his hand. “Yeah, yeah. I’ll be there.” he said before walking off. Dean rolled his eyes and shook his head, knowing that Benny definitely wouldn’t be there. It’s not that Benny was lazy or anything, but he had problems showing up to sports practices. When it came time for an actual game or districts, Benny was there to win. But for the beginning of each season, he was always a flake when it came to practice. 

Dean tugged at a loose string from his varsity jacket until it snapped off and fell onto the rugged carpet of the hallway floor. He turned the corner and made his way to the boy’s locker room when something caught his attention. He stopped mid-walk and backed up before setting his bag down, storming towards the wall that Castiel was currently being pinned against. He squinted his eyes as he stormed forward and pulled the guy off of Castiel immediately, yanking him back hard enough that the guy made a gagging sound. Dean stood in front of them and then frowned when his green eyes met brown ones. 

“Raphael, what the fuck?” Dean asked as he shot a harsh look at the young boy who he had mentored the year before to be quarterback once Dean graduated. Raphael stared past him as if Dean’s body was translucent and Dean snapped his fingers. “Hey, short guy, I’m talking to you. What the hell do you think you’re doing, McDiver?” he said roughly. He had never see Raphael so angry before or hostile for that matter. In fact, Raphael had always been the complete opposite before today. Dean found it hard to believe that the boy who went to church every Sunday and youth group every Wednesday had pinned the new kid to the wall with a fierce gaze. Dean looked over his shoulder and glanced at Castiel, assessing the damage that had been done.

 

Besides a small rivulet of blood falling from Castiel’s nose, he seemed unharmed. Dean turned his attention back to Raphael. Raphael sniffs and wipes blood away from his own nose. Dean feels anger surge through him and he towers over Raphael. “Well, short stack?” 

“He started it.” was all Raphael said. 

“Yeah, well I’m finishing it. Leave him the fuck alone and go clean yourself up.” Dean snapped. “And if I catch you picking another fight or causing trouble, I’ll make sure Coach Singer has your uniform taken away from you before you can say ‘Shit’. Understood?”

Raphael glared at him but gave a curt nod. “Yes.”

Dean shooed him off before turning his attention back to Castiel. “Tilt your head back. It’ll help stop the bleeding.” Dean said as he slowly tilted Castiel’s head back. “And pinch your nose right… here.” he said as he squeezed the bridge of Castiel’s nose between his fingers until Castiel replaced his hand with his own. Dean helped him walk back over to his stuff and he picked it up before patting Castiel’s shoulder. “Alright, let’s get you to the locker room.” he sighed as he lead them to the gym.

Castiel and him were getting along good now that they’ve figured all of their problems out. And Castiel and Sam had been right. Cass wasn’t that bad of a guy once you got to know him. Unlike Michael, Castiel seemed to care a hell of a lot more about Dean and Sam. He even helped Dean with some homework a few nights ago while Sam did the finishing touches for their power point. While Dean didn’t trust him with his Baby or anything, he still found that Castiel was a pretty cool guy. Though he would never admit it outloud. And even though Castiel and Sam were done with their project, he still came over quite often to hang out with Sam and sometimes even Dean. It was actually kind of nice, being able to relax around each other at times.

Dean opened the door to the locker room and felt relief flood through him at the fact that no other guys were in there. They were all probably out on the track, running laps as their warm up before they played a practice game of baseball. He helped Castiel sit down and then walked over to the freezer in Coach Singer’s office. He walked back out with an ice pack in hand and put it on Cass’ nose. “There.” he sighed before setting his stuff down and slowly sliding his shirt off as he walked over to his locker. He felt his body tense slightly as he walked back over to Castiel. Even though they were friends, he still couldn’t fight the feeling of how exposed he felt whenever Castiel looked into his eyes. “So, can I know what happened now?”

Castiel sighed and shuffled the bag around before using his sleeve to wipe up the drying blood. “I really don’t want to talk about it.” he muttered. How could he tell Dean that he had been defending Michael’s name when he walked by a group of guys? He had spent a week trying to convince Dean that he hated Michael, which was the truth. But the only thing he hated more than Michael is when people talked shit about his family. Yeah, Michael was a shitty person who deserved to rot in Hell. But Castiel would have to be six feet under before he would allow _anyone_ to talk shit about his family. 

Dean nodded. “Alright, fair enough.” he said as he got into his baseball uniform. He put on his cap before deciding against it and turning it backwards. He hated the stupid visor thing. It always got in the way of him seeing shots and balls when he was catching. “Are you going to be alright if I leave you here?”

Castiel nodded. “Yeah. If anything, I’m probably gonna drive back home and crash and burn for the night. Tomorrow’s Friday though, so thank god for that.”

“Speaking of,” Dean said as he rolled his sleeves up. “Sam’s doing that stupid skate night thing on Saturday. He wanted me to invite you but I haven’t exactly gotten the chance this week.”

“Skate night?”

“Yeah, we’re just going to go to the town roller rink, skate for a few hours, and then have some pizza. I dunno when we’ll be getting home, so I guess you could stay overnight if you wanted to.” he shrugged nonchalantly. “I don’t care. ‘Sup to you.” 

Castiel nodded with a faint smile. “Alright. I’ll try and make it.”

Dean grinned and patted his shoulder. “Good. Just, drive careful, alright?” he chuckled as Castiel nodded his head awkwardly before giving up and giving Dean a thumbs up. Dean walked out and then made his way down to the field, running over to his coach and waving slightly. 

Coach Singer had probably been the closest thing to a father role that Dean had ever had. He was older than John, but a whole lot wiser, and definitely more compassionate. Coach Singer-or Bobby, as he had Dean call him when they weren’t on the field- had been there for Dean more times than John had. He was understanding and kind, though he could be strict at times. But Dean knew that if he ever needed somewhere to go, that Bobby would always be the first option. Back in Dean’s sophomore year, he had been kicked out of John’s house for trying to stand up to him. Of course, Dean wasn’t going to let Sam stay there without his protection, so he ended up calling Bobby and asking if they could stay the night. 

Bobby drove to their house and picked the boys up before heading to McDonald’s and buying them dinner. He let them stay with him for the entire week, until John finally allowed Sam and Dean to come back home. Dean still couldn’t thank Bobby enough, but Bobby made it very clear that he would always be there to help Dean. When Dean was struggling with relationships or grades or something else, Bobby was always the first person he’d go to. 

Bobby looked at him and then at his watch. “Boy, you better have a good excuse as to why you’re twenty minutes late. And where the hell is Benny?”

“Sorry, Coach. A friend of mine got punched in the hallway and I was helping take care of him.” Dean said apologetically. “And we both know Benny won’t be here. It’s not his “style”.” Dean said as he used air quotes. Bobby sighed.

“Idjit.” he muttered before looking out at the field and watching the boys set up to play. “Well, it’s a damn good thing he’s a good pitcher.”

“Ain’t that the truth.” Dean chuckled. Bobby rolled his eyes and looked at his clipboard.

“Alright, Winchester. Get out there and play, son.”

Dean grinned and eagerly ran out to the field, grabbing a mit in his hand.

______

Dean parked his car outside of Jo’s house and stared at the blue door that was about ten feet away from him. He could see the lights glowing through the window, so he knew that at least someone was home. He sighed and pulled out the small velvet box, his thumb skimming over the smooth material. He slid it back in his pocket and then got out of his car, closing the door and walking up to their porch. He knocked on the door a few times and then stood there, his breath escaping him in light clouds of white. He waited for a few moments before he heard a loud banging sound come from inside and then a loud shout.

Dean didn’t even think twice. He opened the door and ran into the house, knowing that Ellen couldn't care less about him being there. He went to the living room but couldn’t find anyone in there, so he walked over to the dining room. He couldn’t see anyone in there either and he felt unease fill his gut. He heard another loud bang and then a clatter and he knew it was coming from the kitchen. He closed the door and walked to the back of the house, grabbing a cane that was hanging on the wall. He walked in and turned the light on and his eyes widened as the cane fell from his hand.

Dean stared at Jo’s naked body as she rested against the chest of a man, her mouth slack with pleasure as she moaned softly in his ear. She was balancing herself by grabbing the sink and her leg was in the air. But it wasn’t just any man that she was laying against. 

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Dean shouted loudly, his anger a pure rage. Jo practically shrieked and pulled away from Dean’s best friend, blushing as she tried to grab something to cover herself with. Meanwhile, Benny’s dick was out and he was fumbling to stuff it back in, but Dean didn’t give him that chance. He ran forward and grabbed Benny by the neck, throwing him onto the ground and sitting on his chest, punching him harshly in the jaw. “You son of a bitch!”

“Dean, stop!” Jo shrieked as she stayed back in the corner. Dean gritted his teeth and punched his cheek harshly, putting all his strength into it. 

“You fucking bastard!” he yelled as he felt his knuckle split open while it connected with Benny’s cheek, his other hand gripping Benny’s throat tightly. “I trusted you! You fucking prick!” he yelled before Jo pushed Dean off of him. Dean fell onto the floor while Benny rolled over and spit blood out of his mouth. Dean stood up at the same time Benny did and Dean threw another swing, his hand connecting with Benny’s nose. Benny was stumbling slightly as he grabbed onto the table. Dean turned to Jo and he couldn’t help the tear that escaped him. He pulled out the velvet box and threw it at her. “There’s your fucking promise ring.” he growled before feeling his anger subside into agony. He grabbed one of her kitchen chairs and threw it on the table, snapping it in half. 

“Dean!” Jo shrieked as she panted heavily, tears rushing down her face. “Dean, pl-”

“We’re done!” he said firmly. “And Benny if I _ever_ see your fucking face again, I will make sure that I punched your goddamned teeth out. You’re a sick fucking son of a bitch.” Dean yelled harshly, his voice cracking as he kicked him in the gut before letting out a shaky breath. Jo walked towards him and he shot her the deadliest glare he could. “Don’t.”

“But-”

“Save it for someone who gives a fuck.” he said as he squinted at her. “Hope you like the fucking ring, you bitch.” he said before turning on his heel and storming out of the house, slamming the front door behind him so hard that it almost snapped off the hinges. 

He got inside his Impala and started it up, speeding out of her neighborhood and watching it fade in the mirror as he drove farther and farther away. After five miles, he had to pull over. His vision was getting blurry and it wasn’t safe enough for him to drive. Not like this. He felt a sob escape him as he slammed his head on his steering wheel, the car horn blaring in his ears. He hated crying. He hated letting the tears escape him and he hated how much this was affecting him. But mostly, he hated Benny Lafitte. 

After Dean was finally good enough to drive, he slowly made his way home. He parked the car and walked inside, looking at the clock. It was only 6:13pm and he knew Sam wouldn’t be home until around 7:00pm. Dean sighed and saw that his father’s keys were gone, which was a good thing. He made his way over to the kitchen and then unlocked the cabinet, grabbing a large bottle of whiskey. He stared at the liquid and then opened the bottle up, pouring it down his throat quickly, welcoming the burning sensation with open arms. He swallowed and pulled the bottle away, letting out a raspy sigh before putting the cap back on and setting it back in the cupboard. He grabbed his father’s vodka bottle and then walked over to the counter and grabbed a shot glass.

Seven shots later, his brain was fuzzy and his vision was wobbling. He slowly stumbled over to the cabinet and set the bottle into the cupboard, slamming the door shut and fumbling with the bolt until he just gave up and decided to put the chain in a knot. He blinked slowly and then looked at his phone, scrolling through his contacts. He should definitely let Sam know he’s home, but before he can get to Sam’s contact information, he sees Castiel’s number pop up. His brows furrow and then a giggle escapes him. He should call Cass. Tell him that his whore of an ex-girlfriend cheated on him and that his pretty ass was partially to blame. Dean’s brows furrowed and he shook his head. No, no, he should call Cass and tell him about how his eyes are scary but also really pretty. Yeah. Yeah, that should work.

Dean pulled up Castiel’s number and pressed call, a drunk smile creeping onto his face as he heard it ring. After a few rings, he hears Castiel pick up. “Hello?” he heard Cass ask in that deep gravelly voice that always gave him shivers.

“Your pretty is scary!” Dean yelled almost childlike and then giggled before frowning. “W-Wait, no-no, your scary is pretty!” 

“D-Dean? What are you talking about? Are you… Are you _drunk_?”

Dean shook his head quickly but then giggled and nodded, pressing a finger to his mouth. “Don’t tell Sammy.” he laughed. “He always gets grumpy about this stuff.”

“I’m coming over.” Castiel said after a moment and then the line hung up. Dean frowned and then sighed, shaking his head. He looked over at the couch and felt his temple start to throb. Sleep. Sleep was probably a good thing. He nodded his head as if someone could see him and then slowly made his way towards the long couch, plopping down onto the fabric and watching the room spin around for a few moments before closing his eyes, the alcohol finally bringing him under and knocking him out.


	8. Castiel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _"...he didn’t want Castiel to leave. He should let him leave. Why didn’t he want him to leave?"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to my lovely beta for helping me, as always. And Happy starwars day! May the Fourth be with you ;)
> 
>  
> 
> my beta: @ninarweems

Castiel walked into Dean’s house without hesitation. He sounded extremely drunk which worried Castiel more than he would like to admit. He had never heard Dean drunk before and he never saw him as the drinking type either. At least not to the point that he would tell Cass that his “scary was pretty”. Castiel looked around, frowning as he tried to find Dean. “Dean?” he yelled throughout the house before closing the door and looking at the living room. He felt the panic in his chest subside as he walked over to the couch and crouched down, staring at Dean’s face that was pale except for the tint of pink on his cheeks. He felt Dean’s forehead and sighed, setting his stuff down and taking his jacket off. “Dean, hun, you have to wake up.”

Dean’s green eyes opened slowly as he squinted. He looked at Castiel and then smiled sleepily. “You actually came? That’s cool.” he slurred before burying his face into the couch. Castiel rubbed his back softly before standing up. Of course he came. He didn’t understand what friend _wouldn’t_ come. He walked over to the kitchen and looked at the liquor cabinet with the knotted chain. He frowned and undid the knot, neatly tucking it together before attaching the lock on it. He looked around the kitchen for a few moments before finally finding the glasses and grabbing a medium sized one. 

He made his way to the fridge and looked through it, searching for orange juice but not finding any. He mumbled something incoherent while walking back to the sink and pouring some cold water into the glass. He turned around and went back to the living room. He moved Dean’s body so he was sitting up, but before Castiel could do anything, Dean got up and ran to the bathroom. A few seconds later, Castiel could hear him heaving loudly and he felt his heart ache. Dean really out-did himself this time. Castiel crept over to the bathroom and frowned as he walked over to Dean’s side and rubbed his back gently and soothingly. 

Once Dean was done throwing up the liquor, Castiel lead him back to the couch, taking his shirt-which was covered in vomit- off and throwing it in the hamper in the bathroom. “Here,” he said kindly as he held the glass to Dean. 

Dean shoved it away. “I don’t wanna.” he whined, the water reminding him too much of the vodka he drank.

“It’s just water.” Castiel urged as he held the glass out again.

“No!” Dean scowled. “I don’t want that.”

“Drink the water, Dean.”

“Make me.” Dean glared at him, scowling like a child.

“Dean Winchester, I swear to god if you don’t drink this, so help me.” Castiel said firmly, not asking or being polite anymore. “Drink. It.”

Dean huffed but didn’t argue as he grabbed the glass and opened his mouth, sipping the water. As soon as the cool liquid hit his tongue, he didn’t stop drinking until the glass was empty. He gulped quickly before setting it down on the table, not realizing how thirsty he had been. Castiel gave a curt nod before walking back to the bathroom and looked through their medicine cabinet and found the aspirin bottle. He took two pills out and then filled the glass up with some more water. He walked back into the living room and then held the pills out to him. “Here. This should help with your headache.”

Dean nodded and put them in his mouth before drinking more water. He, once again, didn’t stop until the water was gone. He set the glass down and frowned, feeling himself slowly start to sober up. And then the sadness started to sink in again. He sniffled softly and Castiel tilted his head. He sat down next to Dean and crossed his legs, licking his lower lip nervously before staring at the handsome young man and admiring his features. Dean sighed and leaned his head back on the couch, a tear escaping him. “Cass,” he croaked sadly. “W-Why is it that I’m not good enough?” he asked as he closed his eyes. Castiel blinked, expecting anything but that to come out of Dean’s mouth.

“What do you mean?” he frowned as he scooted closer, his hand resting on Dean’s forearm. He felt his heart ache at the idea of Dean thinking he wasn’t good enough for anyone or anything. 

“Why am I not good enough?” he repeated as he suddenly locked eyes with Castiel. “For Jo… for my teachers… my dad. Why?” he asked as he felt a lump form in his throat. “I-I mean, I try so hard… So _hard_ to be good enough, yet here I am.” he whispered as he looked back down at his hands. A few moments of silence passed, Castiel not being quite sure what to say. He opened his mouth to say something when Dean cut him off. “She cheated on me, Cass. Again.” he sniffled before laughing sadly. “I even bought her a fucking promise ring, so that she would know that I was all hers. And she cheated on me; with my best friend of all fucking people!” he said before standing up and throwing the glass against the wall, listening to it shatter. Castiel jumped at the sudden burst of rage but he stayed still. 

 

But Dean didn’t stop there. He grabbed the remote and threw it onto the coffee table before grabbing it and throwing it across the room, knocking it into a lamp, which caused the lamp to fall over. He felt another surge of anger rush through him and he punched the wall harshly, feeling his knuckle split open again. He punched the wall a few more times before slowly coming to a stop and sliding down it, a mute sob racking his body. Dean whimpered quietly before grabbing his hand as the tears streamed down his face uncontrollably. 

As Dean sat there, he felt a hand on his shoulder. He was expecting it to be harsh and mean and cruel, for a voice to shout at him and call him a fuck up for ruining the lamp and glass and for getting blood on the wall. But instead he saw soft blue eyes staring at him before sitting down and pulling him into a hug. Dean stiffened, not being one for physical contact. He always hated hugs when he was upset because to him, that was a sign of weakness. But when he felt Castiel’s arms wrap around him, he sank into Castiel’s body as if it were something he’s done every day since he was born. He felt Castiel’s hand, soft and gentle, run up and down his arm as he continued to cry, not being able to stop himself. He held his knuckle gently, the stinging sensation not fading. “Why am I not good enough?” he cried once more, burying his face into Castiel’s neck, inhaling his scent of coconuts and vanilla. 

Castiel hushed him softly, moving his hand up to cradle Dean’s head. “You are good enough, Dean.” he said softly as he rubbed the back of Dean’s head calmly. “You just don’t have enough of the right people around you to make you realize that.” he whispered as he rested his cheek on Dean’s head, feeling his own eyes water at just how heartbreaking this was. But at the same time, this was also sort of reassuring. Dean Winchester wasn’t some hot badass that was emotionless. He had feelings too, which meant he was human. Not that Castiel had had any doubts before, but this just showed that Dean had a heart too. 

Dean wiped his tears away before sighing softly and sitting up straight, not pulling away from Castiel or climbing out of his lap-when did he get there in the first place?-to face him. Right now, this was what he needed more than he would have ever known. He wiped his nose and then sighed, looking down at his knuckle. “I need to get this cleaned.” he murmured softly. Castiel looked down at the wound and nodded.

“Where are your disinfectant wipes? I can wipe that up and put some gauze on it.” he said softly as he wiped the left over tears from Dean’s eyes. Dean leaned into his touch without even thinking about it. He suddenly realized what he had done and he cleared his throat. 

“They’re in the bathroom drawer.” he said as he rubbed the back of his neck. “Here, I’ll get them for you.” he murmured as he stood up and slowly walked towards the bathroom. He looked at himself in the mirror and let out a sharp breath. Whatever was happening; it needed to stop. His reflection nodded as if it were another person all on it’s own, and he walked over to the drawer and grabbed the small bag of wipes, some gauze, and medical tape. When he walked out, Castiel was sitting on the couch patiently. Dean walked over and held the materials out for him to take. Castiel took them gratefully and offered a warm smile.

Dean sat down and Castiel grabbed his hand gingerly. He felt a blush creep up his neck at their hands touching and Castiel explored them with care, looking at the veins that bulged slightly from the top of his wrist to his hand. He looked with curiosity at how well groomed his fingernails were and then skimmed over the small callouses that only mechanics could have. He smiled faintly at the small scars that were no doubt from sports and fights before he grabbed a wipe and started dabbing at his knuckle. He could feel Dean’s hand tense and he looked up at Dean. “This is going to hurt.” he said softly.

Dean nodded and decided to look away, trying to distract himself by looking at anything that could help him forget the pain. He wiped his tears before deciding to focus on Castiel’s face. He watched Castiel’s features as the young boy concentrated on bandaging Dean’s wounds, watching his eyebrows pinch together to make a little dimple in his forehead. He watched it fade and then become apparent as Castiel continued to work, fascinated by how perfect that little dimple looked. He then looked down at the bridge of Castiel’s nose, staring at the light splash of freckles that were scattered across it like stars in the sky. It was weird because Dean had never seen someone else with faint freckles besides himself, yet here Castiel was with the light “angel-kisses” as his mother used to call them.

Castiel sighed and slowly taped up the wound, raising Dean’s hand and gently pressing a kiss to it. “There,” he said with a teasing smile. “I kissed it all better.” When Castiel looked up, he frowned at Dean’s bright pink cheeks. “What?”

Dean cleared his throat and rubbed the back of his neck with his free hand. “Uh, nothing.” he said before looking away. He looked over at the clock and then back at Castiel. “I’m sorry for drunk dialing you.” he said after a while. “Honestly, I didn’t think you’d come… It was just a waste of time. Like taking care of a manchild.” he chuckled softly. Castiel rolled his eyes. 

“Please. My brother is a manchild. You were just someone in need of a friend.” Castiel said as he offered a kind smile. “And you’re also in need of Orange Juice. That helps with hangovers.” he said as he gave Dean’s good hand a light squeeze before standing up. Dean felt a rush of panic run through him at the sight of Castiel standing up and the rush was followed by confusion at the fact that he didn’t want Castiel to leave. He should let him leave. Why didn’t he want him to leave?

“Heading home?” he asked, trying to sound almost bored. Castiel looked at him and frowned.

“Do I need to go home?” he asked as he tilted his head. Dean blushed and shook his head slowly.

“Not if you don’t want to. I was just asking.” he said as he looked down at his wounded hand. Castiel smiled a little and then walked over and grabbed the remote from the floor, picking the lamp up and setting it straight while he could. He then grabbed the broom and dustpan and swept up the glass before Dean could object to it. Dean groaned and leaned against the couch. “Cass,” he whined but Castiel shook his head.

“Don’t ‘Cass’ me.” he said with a teasing smirk. “I can clean up if I want to. Bite me.” he said as he took the dustpan over to the garbage and dumped it. Dean bit his lip, fighting back a smile. 

“Alright, alright.” he said as he raised his hands up in defense. Castiel smiled a little before walking over and sitting down. 

“So, uh, do you want to talk about it?” he asked softly as he looked at Dean. Dean sighed and then looked down at his hands, the happy feeling gone. 

“What’s there to talk about?” he frowned sadly. “She cheated on me with Benny. I punched Benny and beat him up pretty good. I threw the ring at her and then I drove home.” he said as if it were no big deal, though his heart was screaming otherwise. After a moment, he swallowed his pride and sniffled. “I was gonna marry her. After high school.” he said as he looked at Castiel. “The promise ring was just making sure she knew that. But now, it’s just a cruddy ring.” he sighed as he rubbed his face.

Castiel rubbed Dean’s shoulder before giving it a soft squeeze. “I’m sorry that happened to you, Dean.” he said kindly and empathetically. “Just… Just know I’m here for you, okay? Just like you’re there for me.” 

Dean looked at him and a small smile crept onto his lips for a few short-lived seconds. “Thank you.” he said softly. “Seriously. I don’t know where I’d be right now if I didn’t have you here.” he said honestly.

“Probably in a pile of your own vomit.” Castiel teased softly before adding, “I’m always here for you Dean. Always.” he said before sighing and clapping his hands. “Well, I’m starving and I’m going to assume you haven’t eaten dinner. So how about I call Dominos and have them bring us three, extra-large pizzas, yeah?”

Dean grinned at the mention of food, his stomach grumbling in agreement. “Okay, yeah. That sounds really, really good.”

Castiel smiled and then nodded. “Alright. You pick some crappy horror movie while I order them. Deal?”

He smiled widely and nodded. “Deal.”


	9. Dean

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _"Dean Winchester did not like boys. He never liked boys, so why should he now?"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not updating over the weekend. I was at my sister's house, so I had no access to a computer and then to top it off I'm sick as hell. Gotta love allergy season, right?
> 
> Shout out to my beta-as always-who helped me with this even though her graduation party is tonight (Congrats once more, Nina! <3 ) : @ninarweems
> 
> Enjoy xx

Dean parked his car in front of the skating rink, already regretting his decision to invite Castiel. Ever since Thursday, he had been thinking about Castiel and reminiscing about how good it felt to be in his arms. How good it felt to have Cass’ hands on his body. Dean coughed and shook his head, as if physically moving his body would shake all of the mental feelings off him. He looked at his dashboard and saw that he had about five minutes before the others showed up. Dean sighed and turned the car off, trying to shake out the thoughts in his head that had been pounding in his skull since Thursday. 

Along with the confusing feelings he was having for Castiel, he had to deal with Benny and Jo on Friday. Benny was badly bruised and Dean knew that whatever chance they had at rekindling their friendship was gone. Not that he would have changed his mind if he wanted. He would never be able to forgive Benny for betraying him like that. The day that Dean found out about Benny and Jo, he got ahold of Andrea on her social media and let her know. He knew she was upset, but she thanked him for telling her and then proceeded to tell him that Benny hadn’t seen her in weeks. Dean felt awful for her but also beyond pissed because he knew it would explain where Benny was going to instead of staying for practice. 

And of course Jo is trying to twist things up and justify why she cheated on him, but Dean didn’t care anymore. He started talking to Charlie and even had lunch with her on Friday, which made him feel a little better. But even though he had Charlie, Dean was still becoming an outcast to his friends group, considering he was the one that beat Benny up. They didn’t care that Benny had his dick up where it didn’t belong. Their thought was that it was wrong to beat up your “best friend” in general, the way Dean had. Dean wasn’t too upset about it though because when he explained to Bobby what happened, Bobby said that he understood and he would have done the same thing. So he knew he wasn’t all by himself.

The only bright side about all of it was that Dean didn’t have to worry about doing the prom-posal thing anymore. He didn’t even have to worry about prom, because he wasn’t going to go. Sam couldn’t go until next year and Charlie hated dances with a passion. And Dean knew that by the end of April, all his friends would turn on him anyways. So needless to say, not going to prom was a sweet, sweet relief that took a big weight off of Dean’s back. He rubbed his face and slowly got out of the car, a gust of air blowing through the parking lot. 

He heard the low hum of a certain 2010 Mercedes Benz and he watched as the sleek black car pulled up next to his Impala. Dean found himself feeling a little more relaxed as he saw Castiel pop out of the car and smile at him. His hair looked damp and he was wearing some jeans and a black v-neck. He had a lopsided grin as he looked up at Dean, looking the young boy over. “Hello, Dean.” he said with a twinkle in his eye. Dean smiled back at him and nodded his head.

“Hey, Cass. Uh, Sammy and Jess aren’t here yet but we can head in and get our skates and some food, if you want.” Dean said as he locked the Impala and shrugged his leather jacket on. Castiel nodded with a wide smile. 

“Yeah, I would love that.” he said as he pulled on his shirt before looking over at the doors. Dean could sense his anxiety and nerves and he felt his relaxing state subside slowly. Castiel turned back to him and offered a smile. “How are you feeling? Better I hope.” he said honestly. He looked Dean over quickly, taking in the classic blue jeans, light blue crew shirt, and brown leather jacket that made him look twice as hot as normal. He couldn’t help but wish that it had just been him and Dean, but he knew that that would never happen. At least not in the way Cass would like it to happen. It’d never mean the same thing to Dean as it would to himself.

Dean nodded as he walked towards the door, opening it for Castiel. “Yeah, I’m a lot better.” he admitted. “What happened Thursday… I don’t think that’s ever happened before.” he said honestly as he rubbed the back of his neck. As soon as they entered the building, the smell of grease, foot-sweat, food, rubber, and wood polish hit his nose and filled his senses. Castiel walked towards the rink slowly and leaned against the edge of the rink, watching all the people roller skate around in circles. 

“Well I’m just glad you’re doing better.” he said with a genuine smile. “I know that… that Thursday was a hard day for you.” he said softly. “I understand why you did what you did. But I’m glad that you’re doing better.” he cleared his throat. He still felt awful for what Dean went through, and he wanted to beat Benny up even more than what he had before. But Friday, when Benny walked into the school, Castiel got to see firsthand just how badly Dean had beaten him, and he felt a small bubble of pride in his chest. Not that Dean was his to be proud of. No matter how much he wished. 

Dean sighed and rubbed the back of his neck before looking over at the counter that had all of the food. “Thanks,” he said honestly. “Hey, let’s get some food, yeah?” he offered with a smile, trying to change the subject. Castiel could pick up on how Dean was feeling and he nodded. 

“Of course.” he said with a smile. They walked over to the counter and each of them got a burger, some fries, and a drink. Against Castiel’s arguments and rebuttals, Dean paid for both of their meals and then led them to a small table that had a blacklight over it instead of a normal light, making the confetti background on the table glow. Dean looked up at Castiel to say something when he saw just how luminous the blacklight made his blue eyes. He stopped for a moment and just stared at them, blinking slightly as he once again felt utterly exposed to him. 

Castiel felt his own breath leave his body as Dean’s eyes glowed almost like a neon green, and he felt his cheeks warm as he maintained eye contact with Dean for as long as they did. He finally broke the eye contact and started to eat a fry, knowing his cheeks were probably extremely rosy pink. Dean cleared his throat and then started eating his food as well. “So, how are you liking this town?” Dean asked. “For the most part anyway.”

Castiel shrugged as he took a few french fries and munched on them. “I dunno. It’s alright I guess?” he shrugged with a small chuckle as he took a sip of his coke. “I mean, I’ve been here before with my dad on some holiday’s, but I’ve never lived here until now. I suppose it’s nice, unlike most the people here.” he chuckled. Dean’s head perked up at the mention of Castiel’s father.

“What’s your father like?” he asked with curiosity. “I mean, no offense, but I thought your parents had died and that’s why you came to live with your aunt and uncle.” he said honestly, the tips of his ears burning from his bluntness. 

Castiel stiffened slightly at the mention of his father. He had tried avoiding mentioning him to anyone in this town, but with Dean, it was sort of hard not feeling like he could be open about that stuff. He didn’t know if Dean was aware of who Chuck Shurely was or how much he knew of Chuck. He toyed with his fries and then took another sip of his drink. “He’s a businessman.” Castiel said finally, which wasn’t a total lie. “He travels a lot so he doesn’t really have time to take care of me. That’s why I came here.” 

Dean nodded as he started eating his burger. “What does he work in?” he asked as he took a sip of his own coke. “Like, is it with machinery, a large company, etc. etc.” he asked, still genuinely fascinated. Castiel shrugged as he took another bite of his food. 

“Just a little bit of everything.” he said finally as he finished his fries. Before Dean could ask another question, they heard footsteps walk towards them. Castiel looked up and smiled at Sam and Jess, some of his only friends that he had. “Hey, Sam. Jess.” he said as he nodded his head towards both of them. 

Sam grinned. “Sorry. Traffic was horrible.” he said as he squeezed Jess’ hand softly. “I mean, people really need to learn how to use their stupid turn signals. My god, I was getting horrible road rage.”

Jess giggled. “It was awful.” she nodded. “And the traffic was bad too.” she said as she winked at Sam, elbowing his side teasingly. Sam rolled his eyes and kissed her temple. 

“Are you guys ready to skate?” he asked with a raised eyebrow. “I can go rent them.” he offered. Dean nodded as he finished his food, picking the tray up and carrying it to the dumpster. 

“That sounds good.” he said as he walked back over. Castiel finished part of his burger before wrapping it up and throwing it away, setting the tray on top of Dean’s. Sam grinned and then walked back over to the counter, Jess’ hand in his. Dean looked over at Castiel with a smirk. “So do you like roller skating?”

Castiel blushed as he looked down at his knotted hands. “I don’t know how to.” he admitted. He had never gotten the chance to do it when he was in New York City. Gabriel had always been too busy and he just stayed inside to make his life a little easier. Dean’s eyebrows raised in surprise. 

“How the hell did you manage to miss out on one of the best childhood activities there is?” he frowned as he stared at Castiel. Castiel shrugged. 

“Never got the time to do it, I guess.” he said softly. “I know, I know. I’m a loser.” he laughed. Dean sighed and grabbed his hand, pulling him towards Sam who had the skates. 

“Well, I guess we’re just gonna have to change that.”

______

“Dean, I really don’t think that this is worth it.” Castiel said shakily as he held on to the bar tightly, his legs dancing on their own beneath him.

Dean chuckled and held his hand out. “Come on, Cass. You can do it. It’s just like riding a bike, man.” he said as he let his hand drop and rolled behind Castiel, straightening his posture up. “You just can’t be shaky or else you’re not going to get very far.”

Castiel swallowed nervously as he tried keeping his back straight, but before he knew it, he was sliding down and almost hit the floor. Luckily, he had a 6”0 man behind him with solid muscles. Dean helped straighten him up and leaned in towards his ear. “Cass, keep yourself upright. And relax your body. If you don’t, then you’re just going to be stuck in an endless loop of trying not to fall. You can do this.”

Castiel inhaled deeply and nodded, feeling his body relax a little. “Okay, now what?” he whispered shakily, loving the feeling of Dean’s breath fanning on his neck. 

“Now you just push yourself, one foot in front of the other, almost like walking.” he said as he kept a hand firmly pressed against Castiel’s lower back. Castiel’s breath hitched and he nodded, slowly starting to push himself. He felt relief flood through him as he found his balance and realized he was starting to go somewhere. 

“Look! I’m doing it!” he said with a small grin on his face as he started to push himself faster. Dean stayed upright with him and laughed as he started following, kicking his legs as fast as Castiel was, grinning at the young man who wasn’t panicking like Dean thought he would be. He felt a bubble of pride in his chest as he continued to skate. 

“Look at you.” he grinned with a wide smile. He stayed close to Castiel in case he slipped or something, but so far he seemed to be doing good. Castiel smiled as he continued to skate for a bit but the smile faded as he tried to come to a stop and almost fell. But this time, he brought Dean with him. Dean landed first and then Castiel landed on top of him with a groan. He sat up slowly and laughed along with Dean.

“I think you jinxed me.” he chuckled as he bit his lip. Dean grinned and shook his head softly as he felt a blush creep up his cheeks at how close Castiel was to his pant line. He tried to not let his brain go there because he didn’t roll that way. He was straight… yet the more he thought about it, the slightly more aroused he got. He crouched and quickly rolled out from under Castiel’s body. 

“We should try and find Sam and Jess.” Dean said as he stood up and skated over towards the door, his mind racing and his back aching. He had no idea why the hell he was thinking like that or what the hell had gotten into him. He was straight and he knew he was. Dean Winchester did not like boys. He never liked boys, so why should he now?

He felt a slight tightness in his jeans that was telling him otherwise.


	10. Castiel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _"He chewed as he looked at the small card and his apple almost fell out of his hand as he saw handwriting that he hadn’t seen in 12 years._
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> _His mother’s."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not updating yesterday! I'm still getting over my cold. Shout out to my beta- @ninarweems -for saving me and any mistake I make <3
> 
> Enjoy xx

_Dean slowly slid his hand down Castiel’s front, his lips brushing against Castiel’s ear. “Do you trust me?” he whispered softly as he let his fingers touch the tip of his erection that was tight against his jeans. Castiel’s breath escaped him quickly as he bucked his hips into Dean’s touch quickly, his cheeks tinted pink, his bangs sticking to his forehead from the sweat._

_”Y-Yes,” he breathed softly. “Always.”_

Castiel sat up quickly in his bed, his heart beating rapidly as his alarm continued to play AC/DC music. He let his cerulean eyes wander around the room as his heart started to calm down a bit. He swallowed, his throat extremely dry. He cleared his throat and let his head fall back onto the pillow, his fingers running up his face, over his eyes, and into his hair as he let out a groan of frustration. He normally liked Wednesdays. They were always in the middle of the week and they also meant that nobody would be home until around one in the morning. His family was weird like that. Aunt Naomi normally worked late hours as it was, but she always worked two hours later on Wednesdays because that’s when her work always seemed to be the busiest. Uncle Zachariah was out of town as normal, and Michael and Lucifer usually hung out around the bowling alley or something. Castiel never really paid attention, nor did he really care. 

But this particular Wednesday, he dreaded with a fiery passion. If he had his choice, he would stay home and never leave the house. He’d bury himself in the show that he was watching on Netflix, or in a good book, or maybe even soak in the tub until his skin was prune-like, like an old man’s. But sadly, even though it was May 3rd and he had six weeks of school left, he had to maintain his grades if he officially wanted to graduate. He groaned with frustration and got out of bed, walking to his closet and slipping into some black jeans with a black v-neck. He walked over to the full body mirror on his wall. He hated this too, but it was still technically Ana’s room, even though she had moved out four years ago. He was just thankful she liked blue, because he probably would have slept on the couch if it had all been “fluffy pink!” stuff from a girl’s catalog. 

He grabbed his dark blue flannel and slid it on, buttoning up the sleeves and sighing as he looked into the mirror, flattening his collar. “Happy 18th birthday, Cass.” he muttered to himself before turning around and walking to his dresser, grabbing his phone and wallet. As soon as he touched his phone, it vibrated like crazy, as if the people knew when exactly he would be awake. He turned the screen on and watched as three texts appeared. One from Naomi, one from his grandmother that lived back in New York City, and finally, one from Chuck. He raised an eyebrow as he scrolled through Chuck’s message, ignoring the other two for the time being.

_Happy birthday, son. Hope your day is well. -CS_

Castiel scoffed lightly and texted back before turning his phone off.

_Wow. I didn’t think you’d pull your head out of your ass long enough to realize what today was. Thanks. -CN_

Castiel knew he was being a bit harsh and that he should cut Chuck some slack, considering he was a _New York Time’s_ best seller. But Chuck made it clear that he loved his work more than his family. That’s how it always had been and that’s how it will always be. He walked out of his room and walked down the stairs, making his way to the kitchen and grabbing an apple along with his keys. He turned to walk out when he saw a small box on the table. He frowned and walked towards it, setting the keys down as he took a bite out of the yellow apple. He chewed as he looked at the small card and his apple almost fell out of his hand as he saw handwriting that he hadn’t seen in 12 years. His mother’s.

Castiel forced the chunk of apple to go down. He felt tears prick his eyes as he set the apple down shakily and looked at the small card that was on the white box. He shakily opened the card and let a tear slide down his cheek as he read the writing. 

_Happy eighteenth birthday, my sweet baby. I wish I could be there to celebrate it with you. You mean so much to me and your father, and I know that it’s been hard without me. I wanted you to have this, and I’m sorry that I couldn’t give this to you myself. But just remember, I’m watching over you my little angel. You make me so proud, Castiel. I know that it’s unfair to you to have you grow up without me. But if you ever need an ear or shoulder, you know where to find me. -Mommy_

Castiel swallowed back the tears as much as he could, but they fell over anyways. He felt his throat constrict and he couldn’t remember how to breathe for a few moments as he felt his chest hurt. His mother died when he was six, and that was when Chuck sort of abandoned everything. He was already a bestseller, but he had maybe two books total at the time. After his mom died, he broke and just threw himself into his writing more, completely leaving Castiel to fend for himself on finding comfort. Gabriel shut himself off too for a few months, and Castiel had never felt so alone. Eventually, Gabriel was there when Castiel needed him, but Chuck never was. Castiel would never be able to forgive him for that. 

Castiel sniffled and, instead of untying the delicate bow that was white with silver trimming, he cut the ribbon on either side, so he could maintain the bow for as long as he could. He set the bow aside and then opened the white box, staring down at the pair of blue eyes that were staring back at him. His mother’s eyes. Castiel let out a small gasp-or maybe it was a sob, he wasn’t quite sure-as he grabbed the small frame, staring at the beautiful woman inside it. He felt his heart ache as he stared at her, taking in the image of how… _healthy_ she looked. He definitely got his black hair from her and his piercing blue eyes. Chuck’s were more of an icy color while his mother’s were a deep blue. Castiel sniffed and held the photo to his chest, wishing it could be a real hug from her instead of a cold one from the frame. 

Only then did he realize it wasn’t a frame, but a small photo album. Castiel swallowed the sob in his throat and then opened it slowly, showing more pictures of her and some of him when he was first born. To some other person, this might seem like a stupid gift to put off until the person’s eighteenth birthday. But to Castiel… This was everything he could have ever hoped for in a gift. He understood why she did it. He knew that previous years before, he would probably never have cherished it as much as he did right in that moment. None of the photos were taken after she lost her beautiful black hair to the chemotherapy she went through to try and stop the leukemia. It showed her as she should look and as how he tried to remember her by. Healthy and happy. 

He wiped the tears from his eyes as he closed the album and set the book down. He went to grab the box and closed the lid when he saw something else in the box. There was a black velvet box that hid under some wrapping, but the top had two glistening letters on it. _CN_. Castiel swallowed and grabbed it, opening it up and looking at the top part inside the box. An engraved angel laid at the center and when Castiel moved his eyes, they widened at the silver ring that was glimmering in the sunlight. He slowly pulled it out and stared at it’s beauty, looking at the blue diamonds that were inserted in it. There were three total; each following each other in a straight line. He smiled a little and then slid it on his middle finger for the time being as he set everything else back inside the box and carried it upstairs, setting it under his pillow. 

He walked back down and into Naomi’s room, looking for a chain he knew she wouldn’t miss. He finally found one and slid the ring onto it so that he wouldn’t lose it for sure. He grabbed his keys and his apple and then headed out to his car. As he got in, he took the necklace off and set it around his rearview mirror, watching as the ring swung back and forth a few times before shining in the sun’s bright light. He started the car with a satisfying smile before pulling out of his driveway, and heading off towards the school. 

As he pulled up to the tall building, he parked his car and then tucked the ring into the small compartment in his armrest. He didn’t want it to be stolen because he definitely didn’t feel like going to jail for murder. Not that Gabriel wouldn’t be able to bail him out. He stepped out of the car and locked it, heading inside to the high school and making his way down the senior hall. Luckily, he didn’t think anyone knew his birthday was today besides his family. So, he was pretty much in the clear. Castiel nodded his head, reassuring himself. Unless they were some creepy stalkers, he was safe. But when he spotted his locker, he realized how wrong he was.

There were multi-colored balloons all over the outside of his locker with silvery strings on them. His nose scrunched up in distaste as he stared at the over-the-top decor. He saw a paper that said ‘HAPPY BIRTHDAY’ in big, bold letters. He quickly tore it down and crumpled it up, throwing it away and then grabbing his car keys. He went to pop one of the balloons when he felt someone tackle him to give him a hug. “Happy birthday!” Charlie chirped as she hugged him tightly, giving him a squeeze. 

“Thanks.” he said in a flat tone, not being one for people invading his personal space. “Sorry, but how did you know?” he asked as his brows furrowed while he tried to pry Charlie off of him. He finally gave up and just stood there until she was done.

“I work for the school news and I saw your birthday was today.” Jess chirped as she walked up, her hand intertwined with Sam’s. Castiel pursed his lips and nodded. She laughed as she pried Charlie’s fingers off of him and Charlie finally let go. Castiel sighed and shook his flannel before smoothing it down with his fingers. Just when he had gotten it to his liking, Jess gave him a tight hug before biting her lip softly. “You should open your locker.”

“I would if you all would quit hugging me.” he mumbled, trying to not be annoyed. He knew they were all just trying to be nice and polite, but he just wanted the day to be over so he could forget it ever happened. Jess giggled but then nodded as she pulled away, letting Castiel be free. Castiel sighed and rubbed the back of his neck before opening the locker. His eyes widened as he saw a big bag and two wrapped boxes. He looked up at the top shelf of his locker and frowned as he saw some bobble heads from Star Wars. He couldn’t help the small smile on his face at just how stupid yet sweet the present was. He sighed and looked back down at the bags. “Do I have to open these now?”

“Well, you do have fifteen minutes until the first bell rings.” Jess said with a grin. Castiel tried to muster one back.

“Guys, look, this is all very, very, sweet. But-”

“Well if it isn’t the birthday boy!” Castiel heard a voice say that made his cheeks warm instantly. He turned around to look at Dean who was grinning from ear to ear at him while setting down a bag of his own in front of Castiel’s locker. Castiel blushed furiously as the dream from the previous night came back to mind. Castiel let out a quiet laugh.

“Yeah, sadly.”

Dean rolled his eyes and grinned, trying to not be confused by the blush that was evident on Castiel’s cheeks. “Just glad I didn’t miss the gift opening.” he said as he elbowed Sam’s arm. Castiel sighed and rubbed his cheeks before biting his lip.

“Cass, you were saying?” Jess asked with a small smile. Castiel’s face dropped and then he waved his hand.

“Ah, nothin’.” he said finally with a small smile. “Okay, who’s gift should I open first?” 

______

Castiel carried out the gifts to his car, setting them in the back seat before going over them once more to make sure they were all there. There were three _Pop!_ bobbleheads from Star Wars that Charlie gave him-Chewbacca, Darth Vader, and a stormtrooper-, three murder mystery books and one book about law that Sam had gotten him, a gray knitted beanie and a black Nike hoodie that Jess bought him, and finally, Dean’s gift. Castiel grinned as he grabbed the small cassette player and a cassette tape. “Dean’s top thirteen Zepp tra-double x.” he read out loud.

“You’re supposed to read it as ‘tracks’.” he heard a voice say from behind him. Castiel almost jumped out of his skin as he turned around to look at Dean. Dean was wearing his deep blue shirt and black jeans with his varsity jacket hung over his shoulder. 

“Oh,” was all Castiel could manage to say as he took in Dean’s outfit. Dean gave him his famous lopsided grin as he nodded. Castiel looked back down at the tape with a smile. “Well, I can’t wait to listen to it when I get home.” he said as he offered a smile back. Dean grinned and then sighed as he looked out over the football field. 

“So are you gonna go out on a birthday dinner tonight with your family?”

Castiel frowned as he set the tape and cassette player down. “A what?”

Dean’s eyebrows raised in shock. “You know, like… where your family takes you to a decent restaurant and lets you get as much desert and food as you want? That kind of thing.” he said with a small smile. When he took in Castiel’s blank face, he sighed and then squinted at him. “What, you’ve never been to one?”

Castiel bit his lower lip and closed the back door to his car, shaking his head. “I can’t say I have.” he said finally. “Although it sounds fun.”

“Yeah, well it is. And I’m gonna take you on one.” he said finally, his stomach twisting slightly with excitement and also nervousness. Castiel’s eyes widened and he looked at him. Was he asking him on a date or were Sam, Jess and Charlie going to be there? Probably the latter, considering Dean is as straight as a ruler. 

“Um, alright.” he said finally after he let the shock fade. He tried to contain the blush that was creeping up his face. “But, I have to go somewhere first. So, I’ll just meet you at the restaurant?”

Dean nodded, glad he hadn’t been shot down. “Yeah, that works.” he said as he offered Castiel a smile. “I’ll see you around six?” he asked as he watched him carefully. 

Castiel mustered a smile and nodded. “For sure.” he said as he punched Dean’s arm softly, wanting to touch him somehow. He suddenly blushed and then cleared his throat. “Yeah, six works.” he said with a small smile. “I’ll see you then.”

______

Castiel sighed as he came to a stop and parked his car. He looked out over the bright green grass and then reached into the armrest and grabbed the ring. He grabbed the small bouquet of daisies and chrysanthemums and stepped out of his car. He ran a hand through his hair and then shut the door, slowly walking into the graveyard that was ironically filled with color even though it symbolized death. He walked around for a little bit, looking at all the graves. He finally sighed and made his way to the graves in the back, where they buried his mother 12 years ago. She had always loved Lawrence and considering that’s where her and his father met and got married, she wanted to stay here after she died.

Castiel found her grave stone after a while and felt his heart ache as he slowly walked towards it and set the flowers down. He sighed and sat down on the soft, dewy grass, crossing his legs and looking at her gravestone while toying with the ring in his finger. “Hey, mom.” he said softly as he looked at her name. “I, um, I got your gift.” he said with a slight crack in his voice. “I-I really liked it. It definitely is something that you would give.” he said with a small smile as he looked back down at the ring. “I, um, I got your card and-and you said that if I needed an ear to listen to me, you’d be there.” he sniffled softly. “And, so… well, here I am.” he laughed sadly before wiping the tears away. 

“I really miss you.” he said as he touched her gravestone, not being able to hold back the tears. “It’s, uh, it’s been hard. I mean, Gabriel’s a lawyer now, though. I’m sure you’re really proud of him. God, he’s turned into such a great person.” Castiel let out something that was a mix with a laugh and sob. “And dad’s written some more #1 books that has made his name a household name. And I… well, I’m just trying to survive.” he said finally as he looked down at the grass. He rubbed the ground softly. 

“It’s weird, not being able to call you.” Castiel said as he felt the tears slow down. “And it feels like I haven’t heard your voice in forever.” he sighed. “But I know that you aren’t hurting anymore, which is good. But it still really, really sucks.” he laughed which quickly turned into a sob. “I, um, I have a dinner I’m going to tonight. And I actually have friends, which is pretty cool I suppose.” he said as he sat there in silence. “I honestly don’t even know if you can hear me, but if you can… I love you.” he said as he gave the gravestone a sad smile. He wiped the tears with his sleeve slowly. 

As he stared at the grave stone, a cool wind blew through the yard, and for a small moment, it felt as if though it was his mother’s comforting hand that used to brush his bangs back before giving him a soft goodnight-kiss. After the wind faded, he looked at the gravestone and pressed a kiss to his fingertips. He slowly moved his hand so that his finger tips touched the cool, polished, rock before slowly standing up. He attached his necklace around his neck and then headed back to the car without another word.


	11. Dean

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _" But when she went to look at him, he already knew Dean hadn’t signed in."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not updating! I'm back with another chapter though :) 
> 
> s/o to my beta, ninarweems, as always <3

Dean waited outside of the restaurant, tapping his foot as he listened to the music that was playing from inside. He bit the inside of his cheek as he looked down at his watch, feeling his nerves bite away more at him. He sent the restaurant’s name to Castiel thirty minutes ago, and he still had ten minutes until it was six. He couldn’t help but feel as if he was overthinking the entire thing. This wasn’t a date, this was just him showing Castiel what he had missed out on. Except for Sam and Jess couldn’t make it because they were doing some dumb project. So Dean was all by himself on this.

He still couldn’t specify what he was feeling for Castiel or why he was feeling it. So far, he had never had a date with a guy in his life. He’d never found any boy attractive and he couldn’t think of a time when he had fantasized about a guy either. It was always girls, but mostly Jo. So why a sudden change? He frowned as he chewed on his lower lip, trying to think it all through, when he felt a hand tug on his shirt and his body be slammed into a car. He barely had time to breathe before his eyes were met with blue ones. But not the warm blue ones that he usually saw. These were icy blue ones that were filled with anger and hatred.

He instantly recognized the hand and who it belonged to, having been beaten by it before. But the smell was a dead giveaway too. The smell of fresh leather and intense musk fills Dean’s senses and a headache soon follows. He let out a soft breath as he gave him a breathy laugh. “Well hey there, stranger.” he muttered as he pushed Michael off him. He took in Michael’s look and he wanted to gag. Leather jacket, messy black hair, combat boots. He looked just as tough as he was. 

“Can it, Winchester.” he muttered as he gritted his teeth. “You think I wouldn’t hear about you hanging out with Castiel?” he asked as he squinted his eyes. “Do you think I’m oblivious or something?” He walked towards Dean and gripped him by the shirt. Dean gritted his teeth and pushed him off once more, not being the small, weak, sophomore he once was two years ago. 

“No. I don’t. But I do think that it’s none of your business.” Dean said as he glared at him with a scowl, his fists clenching. “I thought you didn’t give a damn about me once you graduated?” he asked as he thought back to his sophomore year, when Michael officially graduated and had quit bugging him since.

“Yeah well I was until you started messing with my family.” Michael said as he pulled out his phone. He looked up at Dean and then turned his phone off, stalking towards him. “I’m gonna tell you this, Winchester.” he said lowly, but calmly. “You’re going to leave here right now, and never look back.” he said as he stared at him with a blank look. “You’re going to act as if Castiel had never existed and that he was just a brick wall.” he said as he made a circle with his hand. 

Dean glared at him. “Or what, huh? You gonna screw with my car? My locker? Get me detention?” he chuckled with a smirk. “You can’t do shit and you can’t force me to do anything.” he said as he lowered his head slightly, glaring at him. It was taking every single fiber in his body to not knock Michael on his ass then and there, but what he said next made Dean stiffen.

“I won’t do anything to you. But your brother? I can do a lot to sabotage him.” Michael said as he looked down at his phone, the screen’s light glowing on his face. He pursed his lips and then let out a sigh before smiling a crooked smile, looking up at Dean, who knew his face was blanched. “That got your attention, pretty boy?” he asked as he raised a perfectly groomed eyebrow. Dean clenched his jaw and charged at Michael, grabbing his shirt collar and pulling him up close.

“If you think for one fucking second that I’m going to let you get away with hurting Sam, you’re sorely mistaken.” he said venomously. 

Michael chuckled and shrugged as he smiled. “Hey, I haven’t done anything to Sam. And the ball isn’t in my court.” he said as he pushed Dean away. He slid his phone into his pocket and looked at Dean. “It’s in yours.” he said with a smile before turning around and walking away. He stopped under a streetlight and looked back at Dean. “You have a day, Winchester. One day.” he said before he turned around and left Dean, standing there dumbstruck. Dean swallowed nervously and looked back at the restaurant, feeling his heart sink. He couldn’t ignore Cass. There was no way in hell. But, he couldn’t let Sammy get hurt either… He sighed and then got back into the Impala and sat there, debating on what he could do. 

______

Castiel pulled up to the small restaurant and parked his car, getting outside of the vehicle and sliding his jacket on before closing the door and locking it. He had a smile on his face that he couldn’t remove even if he wanted to. He happily walked inside and looked back down at his phone. 

_Carol’s Kitchen, 6:00pm, just walk in and say my name and they’ll show you to the table. -D_

Castiel couldn’t help but feel his heart throb at Dean’s signature. He hated himself for how much of a crush he had on Dean in such a short amount of time, but he couldn’t deny the fact that Dean made him really happy and they were finally getting somewhere. Friendship wise, at least. He walked up to the counter and dinged the little bell softly, looking around for Dean’s spiky bronze hair. A waitress came out, her nametag reading ‘LISA’. She looked up at him and brushed a strand of her dark brown hair out of her face. 

“Hello.” she smiled as she looked at him. “How many will I be seating?”

“Uh, I dunno. All I know is that I’m supposed to say ‘Dean Winchester’ and you’ll show me where I’m supposed to be sitting. That’s all I was told.” he said apologetically.

She chuckled and nodded. “No worries. Let me check…” she murmured as she looked through the list on the counter. “Um, there’s no ‘Dean Winchester’ on here.” she frowned as she looked back at him. “Are you sure you have the right restaurant?” she asked softly, a look of pity resonating in her eyes. Castiel felt his throat go slightly dry.

“Yeah, uh, here.” he said as he pulled his phone out and handed it to her. “I have the text pulled up right there.” 

She let her eyes skim over it and then shook her head with a frown. “Here, hun. Let me take one last sweep. Maybe I missed it.” she said with a soft smile before looking at the list again, slower this time. After a few minutes, Castiel could feel glares boring into the back of his head. He instantly wanted nothing more than for the ground to swallow him whole and never let him escape. His anxiety was already becoming erratic as he watched her search and search and search for Dean’s name. But when she went to look at him, he already knew Dean hadn’t signed in. “Sorry.” she said sympathetically. 

“It’s alright.” he mustered a smile as he tucked his phone into his pocket. “I’m sure he just hasn’t shown up yet. I’ll be back in when he arrives.” Castiel chuckled, his cheeks as red as the rose on the counter. She smiled back at him and he quickly turned around, dialing Dean’s number and calling it. He stepped outside only to realize it was pouring down rain. He stood under the awning and sighed as he got Dean’s voicemail. “Dean, call me.” he said before hanging up. 

He watched as cars came and went down the road, but he saw no sign of the infamous Winchester Impala. He rested against the corner of the wall, feeling even more embarrassed as the time moved on. Where could Dean be? Why hadn’t he called him? Was he embarrassed to be seen out with him? Thoughts like these were running furiously through Castiel’s head. But a sudden ringing noise snapped him out of it, and he answered it quicker than Usain Bolt had run in the Olympics.

“Hello?” he asked, trying to sound coolish and not panicky at all. 

“Castiel,” he heard his father’s voice over the phone. Castiel closed his eyes, realizing he hadn’t even looked at the Caller ID before he answered. He sighed and cleared his throat. 

“Hello, father.” he said softly as he looked around the parking lot. 

“You’ve been ignoring my calls.” Chuck stated instead of asking. Castiel pursed his lips and put on a tight smile. 

“Uh, no, I haven’t. I’ve just had a lot of stuff going on. Aunt Naomi wanted to celebrate it and all.” he said as he saw his breath escape him in a white cloud. He looked at the faces coming and going inside the restaurant, but he didn’t see any face that had a certain pair of green eyes on them.

“Mhm.” Chuck said disapprovingly. Castiel could hear rapid typing in the background and he felt his heart practically shatter. 

“Seriously? You can’t even get off your goddamned computer for one second to wish me a happy birthday!” Castiel yelled, his voice cracking. He heard the typing stop and he let out a sharp breath. “You are so unbelievable.” he let out a cold laugh. 

“Castiel-” Chuck started but Castiel cut him off.

“No!” he said sharply. “No. I don’t want to hear another excuse.” he said quietly as a tear escaped him. “Out of all days, dad. _All days_ that I need you most, today would be that day. You of all people should know that.” he said as he wiped his nose. “I made it clear that you needed to pick one; me or your job. And you made your choice. So quit fucking calling me!” he shouted before hanging up the phone. He sniffled and a quiet sob escaped him, his hand covering his mouth as he wiped the tears away. 

He stood there for a few moments before he realized that the parking lot was almost completely empty now, except for his car and another one. He swallowed and saw that it had been three hours since he was supposed to meet Dean. He waited outside for three hours to give Dean the benefit of the doubt, and he was now freezing and soaking wet. He heard the door open beside him and he saw the girl, Lisa, appear once again. 

He looked away in shame and Lisa frowned as she rubbed his back softly. “I’m sorry your date didn’t show, hun. Have a good night.” she whispered before walking over to her car. He felt his heart sink and he chucked his phone across the street in pure anger, his hand connecting with the wall and his knuckle screaming in pain. He rested his head on the wall before slowly walking out in the rain and grabbing his phone that had landed in a small puddle. 

“Fucking perfect.” Castiel muttered before putting it in his pocket and getting into his car, starting it up and pulling out of the parking lot, speeding home. About thirty minutes and three breakdowns later, Castiel was in his driveway. It was a torrential downpour now, but he didn’t care. He made his way into the house and slammed the door, scaring one of Naomi’s cats. He set his stuff down and threw his phone away. The good thing about Zachariah being an entrepreneur is that he always has the latest updates of things and spare items of almost everything. So Castiel simply walked into his office and grabbed a new phone, hating how spoiled he felt for being able to have such a luxury. 

Castiel sighed as he walked over and plopped onto the couch, taking the time to set up the new phone so that his number stayed the same and it was activated. He set his phone on the couch’s armrest and then slowly curled up into a ball and cried. He let out the ugliest, loudest, most broken sobs that he could while he had the privilege of not being judged by anyone except for the cats. He wiped his eyes after a few minutes and then rested his cheek on his forearm. He really shouldn’t have gotten out of bed. 

“Happy birthday to me,” he whimpered pathetically before letting out a broken sigh and just staring at the wall until, somehow, he passed out from exhaustion.


	12. Castiel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _"...You did good, Cass. Finally put that prick in his correct place..."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not updating! I don't have access to a computer at the moment so I had to improvise for one. I hope you all enjoy this. Thanks for being patient and thanks for 1k reads!! <3 <3
> 
> Shout out to my amazing beta @ninarweems as always
> 
>  
> 
> [TW: Implied self harm]

Castiel walked into school with his head hung low and his books tight against his chest. He couldn’t look anyone in the eye as he made his way to his locker. He hadn’t slept at all that weekend, and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t get ahold of Dean. He had no idea what he had done wrong, but he hated himself for it. He hated himself for falling for Dean. He knew from the start that he shouldn’t have let Dean in like he did, because whenever someone gained his trust and his affection, they left. They always left.

He stopped the tears from pooling in his eyes. He couldn’t let himself cry right now. Not that he had any tears left in him. Between crying over Dean and crying over him doing some other things… he didn’t have the energy for it. He set his textbooks inside his locker and sniffed. He just wanted this to be over. How dumb could he be? To think that Dean Winchester-the hottest guy in school, in Cass’ opinion-would give him the chance of day as anything more than friends. 

Castiel was interrupted by a tap on his shoulder which almost made him jump out of his skin. He turned around and stared at Sam, who had a look of pity in his hazel eyes. He looked away, feeling the sadness simply bury itself deeper inside of him. He had texted Sam and asked him to talk to Dean about it, find out what he did wrong, but he didn’t have any luck. Sam told him that Dean wouldn’t even talk to him. He just stayed locked in his room all weekend with his AC/DC music blaring. It didn’t help the matter, but it did make him feel slightly better knowing that Dean was shutting Sam out too.

“Hey, Cass…” Sam said softly as he gave his shoulder a soft squeeze. He had never seen Cass look as fragile as he did at that moment in time. Dark bags under his eyes, his skin a deathly pale, and sleeves pulled all the way down even though the temperature in the school was extremely hot. “How are you holding up?” 

Castiel simply shrugged, his entire body feeling numb. “I’m good.” he murmured as he closed his locker and headed towards his first period class. Sam ran after him and frowned. Castiel just wanted him to go away. But of course, Sam being Sam, simply continued to pester him.

“You don’t exactly look okay.” he said as he looked Castiel over once more. Castiel turned and shot him a glare.

“Then why ask a stupid question when you know you’re going to get a false answer?” he hissed before turning around and making his way to his first period class, clearly not wanting to deal with him. He lowered his head as he entered inside, feeling a certain pair of blue eyes following him as he sat down. The teacher wasn’t in the classroom yet, and by the sound of the heavy footsteps walking towards him, he knew that Benny was going to use that to his advantage. Which, in turn, made it Castiel’s liability. 

“So where’s that dumbass body guard?” Benny asked as he tilted his head. “Huh? The bozo that has been walking with you everyday for the past-I dunno-three months? Hm?” he asked as he shoved Castiel out of his desk. “Dean Winchester ring a bell?”

Castiel clenched his fist, his eyes remaining shut. “Leave. Me. Be.” he said firmly as anger boiled inside his chest. Benny laughed.

“Oh, man, look at that!” he said incredulously. “The baby’s crying for mercy! And I haven’t even began yet.” he said as he jumped over the desk and kicked Castiel in the stomach, causing him to grunt loudly. “You aren’t so tough without him now, are you, Cassie?” he sneered as he kicked again. Castiel groaned and rolled over, which was probably the worst mistake he could have done. Benny straddled him and punched him in the face, the entire class chanting behind him.

Castiel felt tears prick his eyes as a small rivulet of blood formed from his nose. Castiel inhaled deeply as he counted the punches. Once. Twice. Three, four, five… He felt a surge run through him and he sat up, decking Benny in the mouth and sending him backwards. He straddled him and started punching repeatedly, over and over and over. Even when Benny yelled for help, Castiel kept punching until a buff senior walked over and pulled him off. 

“I told you, you son of a bitch!” he yelled, not caring that he was causing a scene. “I told you to leave me alone and you wouldn’t! So that’s what you get!” he screamed as the senior started pulling him out of class. Castiel could feel the blood rushing from his nose and the hallway started to spin rapidly. He just barely made it to the hallway before collapsing and landing with a thud on the carpeted floor. 

But not before making eye contact with a familiar set of bright green eyes.

______

When Cass woke up, the room was different. In fact, he had never been in this specific room in his entire life. He rubbed his cheek and then winced at the pain. “Hey, don’t ruin the work that I did.” a light voice said. Castiel sat up slowly and groaned as his eyes met Jess’. 

“Sorry,” he mumbled before looking around. The walls were white and the fourth one had a large-print photo of a hammock under palm trees that was looking out over the beach. “Where the hell am I?” he asked quietly.

“The sick room of the high school,” she sighed as she walked over to him. She sat down next to him. “I had to stuff your nose with toilet paper so it would stop the bleeding and then I had to put a butterfly stitch over the bridge of your nose and one on your cheek.” she said.

“What time is it? How long have I been out?” he asked groggily, his throat extremely dry and his mouth filled with the taste of cotton. Jess looked down at her golden watch, which stood out against her dark denim jeans and black v-neck, paired by black converse. 

“Three hours.” she said finally. “Lucky you, you’ve missed half the day.” she teased softly. “Who the hell did you get in a fight with?”

“Benny,” he muttered as he rubbed the back of his head. “And he hits pretty damn hard.” he sighed as he looked down at his arms. He definitely didn’t let his bandaged forearm-which was covering the aftermath of one of his dark nights-go unnoticed. 

Jess shook her head, her blonde curls that were pulled back in a tight ponytail shaking wildly. “Well, that makes more sense now that I think of it. He had to go to the hospital to get stitches.”

Castiel felt guilty that a small bubble of pride filled his chest as he stared down at his raw knuckles. He looked up and saw what he was feeling being mirrored in Jess’ eyes. “You did good, Cass. Finally put that prick in his correct place.” she said as she cupped his right cheek that had been pretty much unharmed, except for a bruise that was starting to form. 

“Thanks. God, why are people such dicks?” he muttered, though he was thinking more of Dean than Benny. He felt the melancholy feeling return in his chest, replacing the pride. He could feel Jess’ hand squeezing his shoulder, signaling that she knew exactly what he was thinking.

“Just… be patient. I’m sure he’ll come around.” she said with a soft smile before kissing his cheek’ “They notified your aunt and she has given them permission to give you permission to drive home if you want.”

“Doesn’t the principle want to talk to me? Expel me or something?” he asked with confusion. Jess shook her head.

“You have five people who vouched for you and all said the same thing. You told Benny to leave you alone and you waited until you were basically beaten to a bloody pulp before defending yourself. The Principle isn’t going to punish you at all.”

Castiel couldn’t help but feel slightly relieved at her words. “Thanks, Jess.” he said with appreciation before slowly standing up. “I’ll grab my things and just head home.” he sighed as he hugged her slowly so as not to hurt his sides. She hugged him back gently.

“Please, stay safe,” she whispered as she rubbed his shoulder softly.

He nodded. “I promise I will.” he said, even offering her a smile. She grinned and then helped him out and on his way to his locker. He got his things together and then closed it, heading towards the main entrance that led to the student parking lot. He walked over to his car and unlocked it, setting his stuff into the back seat.

As he closed his door, he heard a car door shut. He looked up on instinct and froze when he saw the man who had been on his mind all weekend. “Dean,” he whispered as he closed his door and walked towards Dean. “Dean!” he yelled as he saw the young man start walking back to the building. “Dean!” he shouted again, a little louder. He watched as the brunette stopped and then started walking again, and that propelled Castiel to run after him. He swallowed his pride as his heart beat quickly and his lungs burned, his body screaming in protest as pain shot up through either side of him. He just barely managed to grasp Dean’s wrist, causing him to stop.

Castiel caught his breath before slowly walking around to be in front of him, staring at him with broken blue eyes. Dean tried to ignore the look Castiel was giving him, tried to ignore the sadness and pain that ran through him at the fact that he caused that look. All he ever wanted to do was make Cass smile. Never hurt him. “Dean,” Cass said as his voice cracked. He swallowed and stared into the cold green eyes of his. “Dean, say something… Please…”

Dean didn’t say anything. He simply stayed motionless even though his body was screaming out for Cass. He just wanted to hug him or touch him or even just acknowledge his existence. But Michael’s threat came back to mind and he remained silent. Castiel let out a huff of air.

“Fine. I’ll talk.” he said firmly. “I don’t know what I did wrong, okay, but I’m sorry. I’m sorry for being such an ass when we first met and I-I’m sorry for being so needy and I…” his voice failed him as he felt his knees turn to jelly. He swallowed around the thick lump in his throat. “I miss you.” he said as his voice cracked sharply, a tear escaping him. “I’m sorry if I came on too strong or if-if I made you uncomfortable in some way and I promise I won’t let any of that show. Dean, I just want to be friends again. I just… I want you to acknowledge my existence again.” he sniffled and wiped the tear away. He let out a soft breath. 

“Dean, I like you. Okay? And I mean in a romantic way. Because I’m gay and I have been for years but that just… it doesn’t matter. I will ignore all of my feelings for you. I just want us to be okay.” he whispered weakly before letting go of Dean’s hand, missing his touch already. He sighed and wiped the remaining tears before standing straight. “Okay. I can end it now.” he said softly. “I promise, I won’t try to contact you or anything. I just needed to get that off my chest.” 

He walked past Dean and slowly made his way to his car, the tears pouring down his face without any chance of stopping soon. He was about to unlock his car door when he felt a hand grasp his wrist and turn him around. He was about to say something, react somehow, but he was interrupted.

He was interrupted very quickly by a pair of soft, plump, pink lips that belonged to none other than Dean Winchester.


	13. Dean

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _". . . He didn’t think Dean was the reading type. But then again, he hadn’t thought that Dean was the bisexual type either. . ."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for being MIA for a month. I didn't have access to a laptop and I was finishing up school. Now, I'm getting ready to head home from a two week vacation. I've been extremely caught up in life.
> 
> My beta currently can't edit so this is a rough couple. Any mistakes will be corrected later on. But thank you all for being patient with me. I apologize for this chapter being shorter than normal. But please; enjoy xx

Cass’ eyes fluttered closed as his mind imploded with fireworks. His nose nuzzled against Dean’s as his hand slowly slid into his soft, bronze locks. Throughout all the dreams he had had of Dean and him kissing, never had he ever imagined that it would feel like this. Dean’s grip around Cass’ waist tightened as he slowly deepened the kiss, his tongue mapping out Castiel’s mouth. He felt it glide across Castiel’s own tongue multiple times as he became familiar with his taste, only wanting more. Finally, he pulled away so he could catch his breath and processed what had just happened.. He just kissed Castiel. Another man. And he loved every single second of it. He let a soft breath out as he stared down into Cass’ cerulean blue eyes. “You didn’t do anything wrong.” he managed to breathe out after a few moments of silence.

Castiel laughed but then looked up at him and tears pooled his eyes before anger took over. He stood up straight and then slapped Dean harshly on the arm. “Then why did it take me crying and having a breakdown for you to talk to me?” he hissed, his emotions becoming mixed into one big blob of anger, sadness, and happiness. And now he was adding confusion into the mix. By the time this was over with, he was sure his brain would explode. “You are such a confusing man, Dean Winchester!” he said as he rubbed his eyes. “Seriously! Would it kill you to send one fucking text?”

Dean blinked as he looked Castiel up and down with shock. When he imagined their first kiss happening--What? Him imagining them kissing? No, never-- he had never pictured this being Castiel’s reaction. “I-I-”

“I-I- what?” he snapped back, swallowing tightly. He could feel guilt resonate in his chest, but he tried to ignore it. Yeah, he was positive his brain was on it’s way to having an aneurysm. “I mean, seriously. Do you have any idea how much sleep I lost? How humiliated I was when I told that waitress that I had someone coming, yet you never showed up?”

Dean frowned as he felt a pang of sadness in his chest. “Cass, if I could just-”

“And then, to top my birthday off, my fuckhead of a father calls me!” he spat as he started to pace back and forth. At this point, his anger was taking over and his filter seemingly disappeared for the time being. Some heads were turning and watching them, but others just walked to their cars or to the building as they came back on campus, not really caring. “I mean he-he can’t even quit working on his fucking story to call me for two minutes!” he said with frustration. Dean sighed and pulled Cass into a hug.

“Cass, Michael threatened me.” he said softly as he rubbed his shoulder. “He told me that Sam would have just as much of a rough time as Michael used to give me. I couldn’t let him do that, Cass. I couldn’t.” he whispered, trying to not cry.

Cass froze and looked at Dean with almost a guilty look. “He. . . He did?” he asked curiously with a frown as he rubbed the back of his neck, lowering his eyes. He suddenly felt like an extremely large prick and he leaned in to Dean’s chest, his hands gradually sliding around Dean’s waist as he rest his cheek on Dean’s shoulder, his eyes closing as he inhaled his scent. “Dean, I. . . I’m so sorry, Dean.” he whispered as they stood there silently. He inhaled deeply before letting go and looking up at him. 

Dean looked down at him with soft eyes as he wiped away a tear that had escaped Cass. He bent down and rubbed their noses together before his eyes fluttered closed and he kissed Castiel gently once more, seeing nothing but white and feeling nothing but happiness. “Cass, I really, really like you,” he whispered into Castiel’s ear. “And I think I have for a little while now.” 

Castiel felt a smile creep onto his lips and he pulled back so that his bright blue eyes could meet Dean’s green ones. “I’m glad the feelings are mutual,” he whispered as he hugged him tightly once more and then kissed the corner of his lips. He stood back and reached into his pocket, pulling his phone out and looking at the time. He looked up at Dean with a small smile. “We only have three hours left of school. Do you think we could skip it and go somewhere? Just you and me? Although I am a little hungry.”

Dean chuckled and nodded as he bit his lip, excitement rushing through him. He led Castiel back to the Impala and got inside. He started her up and then pulled out and drove off. He bit his lip before looking over at Castiel, who seemed extremely happy. “How about we go to that restaurant, hm?” Dean offered as he got on to the highway. “We can have the dinner that we were supposed to have Friday night. And it’ll be my treat.” he teased with a smile. Castiel found himself giggling as he looked down at his hands. 

“I think that sounds good.” he nodded as he licked his lower lip and then glanced up at Dean. Dean looked down at him, watching his tongue glide over his plump lip, before clearing his throat and heading towards the restaurant. 

About thirty minutes later, Dean slowly pulled into the parking lot and parked the car, looking over at Cass with a small smile before getting out of the car and straightening his jacket. He cleared his throat and looked back at Castiel once more, watching as the younger boy got out and ran a hand through his dark locks, making it look messy but still sexy at the same time. As Castiel walked besides him, Dean let his hand brush against Castiel’s before he grabbed it and slowly intertwined their fingers, opening the door and letting Castiel go first. When they got to the counter, Castiel’s eyebrows raised in surprise as his blue eyes connected with Lisa’s brown ones.

“Well hello there, stranger.” she said with a warm smile before looking over at Dean, her eyebrows raising up as she blinked with shock. “Hello.” she said, startled slightly. “Um, welcome. Is it just the two of you?” she asked. She saw Castiel nod and she typed into the register to set up their check. “Booth or table?”

“Booth, please.” Dean said with a charming smile. Lisa blushed and nodded as she turned and held her hand out. 

“Right this way.” she said with a smile before leading them down the long walkway and over to a secluded booth in the building. She set down two menus and looked down at Dean and Castiel as they got seated in the booth. “What can I start you two off with?” she asked as she clicked her pen with a smile.

“Two Cokes, please.” Dean said as he looked at Castiel, who was blushing like crazy. Lisa nodded and walked over, swaying her hips as she did so. Castiel glared at her back, but Dean didn’t even notice her. He just focused on Castiel and his perfect features. “So,” he said, catching Castiel’s attention. He chuckled at Castiel who was blinking as a blush crept up his neck. “You said your dad was a. . . writer?” he asked curiously. Castiel felt his stomach drop and he snapped his gaze away from Dean. He could feel his heart strumming with anxiety as he tried to think of the best route to go. The last thing he wanted to do was to reveal how famous his father was. He didn’t think Dean was the reading type. But then again, he hadn’t thought that Dean was the bisexual type either. 

“Yes. . .” Castiel said wearily, trying to see where Dean was going with this. 

“Sweet.” Dean said as he tilted his head at him. “So what kind of genre does he write? Horror, Romance, Mystery. . . ?” 

“Um,” he said as he looked out the window. He scrunched up his nose slightly, one of the tell-tale signs that he was lying. Or at least that’s what Gabriel would say. “Honestly, a little bit of everything.” he said, clearing his throat. It wasn’t technically a lie. . . “He never really sticks with one topic. He just writes what comes to mind.”

Dean nodded. “So, is he out there?”

“Excuse me?”

“You know, like is he famous? Or is he just kind of writing for fun. Basically, is it his job or is it his hobby?” 

Castiel swallowed. “I mean, it feels like a hobby to him. He does it whenever he feels like it.” _Which is all the time_ , Castiel thought irritably. “But I wouldn’t say, like, Kardashian famous or anything, but like. . .” he paused. “Er, more like, um, the Osborne family. Like, he’s past his time.” Castiel said quickly, his nose scrunching slightly. Another lie.

Dean raised an eyebrow. “Hmph,” he said finally. Before Dean could ask anything, Lisa brought their drinks and gave them straws. 

“Are you two ready to order?” she asked as she pulled her notepad and pen out. 

Dean started saying their order, considering Castiel didn’t know what was good on this menu and what wasn’t, and Castiel felt relief flood through his body. Dean was distracted for the time being, and hopefully when he quit talking, Castiel could change the subject. He hated lying to Dean, but he didn’t want Dean knowing anything about that part of his life. Not if he could help it. He watched as Lisa walked away and then cleared his throat.

“So who’s your favorite music artist?” Castiel asked, acting extremely interested, hoping that he could move as far away from the subject as possible. Dean raised an eyebrow but then shrugged. 

“Can I have a top five?”

Castiel laughed as he took a sip of his drink before nodding. “Yeah, I’ll give you some leeway.” he grinned. He listened as Dean started listing off artists, but then stopping himself and changing it. By the way that Dean was talking and then changing his answers, Castiel knew he had gotten them away from the subject for now. He sipped on his drink and listened to Dean, asking a question every time Dean finished up the answer to his previous one. He felt himself calm down as Dean soon forgot about the conversation about Castiel’s father. He knew he was safe for the time being. But he wasn’t sure how much longer he could keep up the facade.

Dean answered all of Castiel’s questions and gave him stories, but he never quite forgot about their original conversation. He could tell Castiel wasn’t being 100% honest about his father, and that only made Dean crave more information about him. And, one way or another, Dean was going to the bottom of this mystery. 

The mystery of Castiel Novak.


	14. Castiel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> " _He noticed that there was a black car that was parked in the driveway next to Naomi’s car. He frowned. He had never seen that black car in his life before._ "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoa, hello stranger! Gosh, my life was flipped upside down back in August. We just moved 500 miles away from where I lived for the past 15 years and I've started a new school and I have an actual job now and I've just been rolling with the punches. That of course means that writer's block has been my companion since July. But here is a new chapter, I hope you all can forgive me for being, oh, five months late lol. Happy *early* Halloween! Have any fun plans? 
> 
> Thanks to Nina, my lovely beta, for saving my ass and fixing my typos for me, haha. I've missed you all and I'm glad to be back <3
> 
>  
> 
> TW: some suggestive material, intense make out scene, a panic attack.

The next few weeks that came were some of the best weeks of Castiel’s entire life. Dean took him out on dates a lot more often and he got to know more about Dean, like how his favorite color was sunset orange and his biggest fear was flying. And little by little, lie by lie, Castiel opened up to Dean. He told him what his favorite books were and what his favorite movies were. He avoided all questions about his family life, though, even though he knew that it was frustrating for Dean. He felt awful about it, but he had made a vow when he first moved there that he was starting a new life and wouldn’t have to be involved in any way, shape, or form with Chuck. 

“Earth to Cass?” Dean asked softly with a warm smile. Cass blinked and looked over at Dean before smiling shyly. “Are you here now?” Dean asked as he stroked Cass’ cheek gently, causing Cass to blush more than he was already. Cass looked out at the view in front of them. They were currently in Dean’s Impala, on the edge of a cliff that overlooked the city. He looked at all of the twinkling lights and then up at the stars of the night sky that were slowly fading into view as the sun was setting. He looked down at his hand that was intertwined with Dean’s and then back up at him. 

“Yeah,” he whispered softly. “I’m here.” he murmured before biting his lip and leaning forward, connecting his lips to Dean’s tenderly. Dean let out a soft breath, his free hand coming up to rest on Cass’ cheek. He pulled away slowly and stared at Dean’s emerald eyes, chewing the inside of his cheek as he scooted a little closer and then curled up next to Dean, resting his cheek on Dean’s shoulder while Dean’s arm wrapped around his body. 

“Good,” he said softly as he looked down at Cass, his heart filling with a certain warmth that he hadn’t felt in a long ass time. He let out a soft breath and kissed the top of Cass’ head before looking out at the city. He saw the orange filling the sky and he grinned. “There she is,” he grinned. Cass looked up and chuckled.

“Should I be jealous?” Castiel teased as he nuzzled Dean’s jaw. Dean laughed. 

“Oh yeah, totally. Because I would definitely choose mother nature over you.” he said with a small smile, his eyes filled with affection. He swallowed and let his eyes linger down to Cass’ lips. He inhaled deeply before connecting their lips softly again, his eyes closing as he let out a quiet noise. Castiel whimpered as he felt his belly knot up in the best way possible. He squeezed Dean’s hand before pulling away and kissing at his neck slowly, his body shifting over so he was straddling Dean.

They had shared this kind of kiss a few times, but Castiel had never rushed anything. Even though he was dying for it, craving for Dean’s touch. As if Dean read his mind, his hands starting sliding down Cass’ back and resting under his ass, squeezing it softly. Cass moaned into Dean’s neck, his eyes squeezing shut as he felt that weird emotion in his chest again. He felt his jeans grow a little tighter than they were when the two men drove up to the cliff an hour beforehand. He shivered under Dean’s exploring hands as he let his own hands map out Dean’s body. 

“Dean,” he whimpered quietly as he started to grind down, a moan escaping him. Dean groaned, squeezing Cass’ ass cheeks, biting his lip. He nipped at Cass’ neck before sucking a faint mark into the crook of his neck, his hands gripping Cass’ hips. Cass panted softly, loving these hot and heavy kisses. He heard a click and he looked up, seeing Dean’s door open. Suddenly Dean moved out of the car, picking Cass up. He closed the front door and then opened the back door and laid Cass down before crawling on top of him and closing the door with his foot. 

Cass felt his heart beating erratically and he felt excitement run through his body as he stared into Dean’s eyes with his own. “Do you want this?” Dean asked softly as he rubbed Cass’ chest. “Because I really do. But I won’t go any further if you aren’t ready."

He blinked and he didn't know why, but he started to feel panic rise in his chest. He could feel his hands grow slightly clammy as phantom beads of sweat covered the back of his neck. Did he want this? Was he rushing himself? He couldn’t tell. He needed air. He needed to think. He looked around and suddenly the car felt too small and he felt like the air was diminishing quicker and quicker by the second. He struggled slightly as he felt himself become light headed and he squirmed under Dean. “No, no, no!” he whimpered as his heart beat faster and faster. It was going so fast, he was almost certain it was going to explode. 

Suddenly, Dean was gone and the door was open. Dean picked Cass up and sat him down outside, frowning with nothing but concern etched into his features. “Cass,” he said softly. “Hey, Cass, baby. . . look at me,” he ordered firmly as he cupped Cass’ cheek. Cass looked at him like a deer looking at headlights. “Hey. . . breathe.” he said softly. “You’re okay, Cass. Just breathe. We don’t have to do anything tonight, okay? We have all the time in the world.” he said as he rubbed Cass’ chest slowly.

Cass inhaled deeply, letting out slow breaths as he recomposed himself. “O-Okay,” he managed to choke out as he laid back and looked at the sky, wanting to do nothing but cry. Why was he like this? Moments ago, he was fired up and ready. But as soon as it got real, _too_ real, he backed out. What teenager has a panic attack in the back of a car while being intimate? He closed his eyes. Any girl in that school would _kill_ for a chance to be with Dean. Hell, they already throw themselves at him. So why was he panicking? It’s not like Dean was going to hurt him. Dean wasn’t like that and he knew it. 

“Cass, come back to me,” Dean said softly as he looked at him, wiping away a single tear that had escaped Cass. He looked up at Dean before slowly sitting up, wiping away his tears and looking down at his folded hands. 

“Sorry,” he sniffled as he squeezed his hands gently. He looked up at Dean and felt his heart sink at the look of hurt on Dean’s face.

“Why are you saying sorry? I was the one that practically pinned you with my body. I should have left it at kissing. . . Can you forgive me?” he asked as he held his hand out for Cass to grab. 

Castiel grabbed it and squeezed it. “Don’t be,” he said softly as he rubbed Dean’s thigh. “It’s not your fault. Honestly. . . I don’t know what came over me,” he said honestly. “I-I’ve had panic attacks before, but never over intimacy. I. . . I understand if you want to go home.” he said quietly.

Dean frowned. “You think because you won’t have sex with me that I don’t want you anymore?” he asked with a deep frown. “Because that’s so far from the truth that I almost thought you were Fox News.” he said as he scooted closer so that he could stroke Cass’ cheek with his fingers. “I don’t want you to ‘put out’ just because you think you have to. I like you for you, Cass. I don’t need sex. That’s what porn is for.” he said with amusement in his eyes, obviously trying to lighten the mood.

Cass laughed lightly, looking at his folded hands. Dean grabbed them with his own. “Seriously, though,” Dean continued. “I don’t need you to do anything you don’t want to. So don’t pressure yourself to do something just to please me. Because I want you to enjoy yourself too. It’s not all about me, contrary to popular belief.” he grinned as he rubbed Cass’ arm before patting it gently. He stood up slowly with a grunt before holding his hand out for Cass to take.

Castiel took it gratefully and walked over to the Impala, hand in hand with Dean. He crawled into Baby and waited for Dean to sit down before he curled up next to Dean again. He inhaled Dean’s scent before smiling slightly and nuzzling his neck. “Thank you for being so understanding. Sorry for being a tease.”

“You weren’t being a tease,” he whispered. “I can promise you that. How about we go and get some food? Then we can head back to my house.” he said with a smile. “Does that sound good?” he asked. 

Cass grinned and nodded as he felt his stomach grumble. “Yeah, that sounds amazing.”

_____

“I’m not lying, that seriously happened.” Dean laughed as he looked at him with a large grin before taking a bite of a fry.

Castiel rolled his eyes. “I honestly doubt that you got attacked by a man wearing a dinosaur costume.” he said with a smile.

“Hey, anything can happen in New York City, okay? People are weird.” Dean chuckled. Cass grinned and took a bite of his burger from the diner they had stopped by. He moaned. “These make me so happy, oh my god.” 

Dean laughed. “Hey, Juno’s Diner is the best place in this town. The only highlight, really.” he said as he took a bite of his own burger. Cass looked at Dean with a dopey smile.

“I have to disagree. You’re a pretty good reason to stay here.”

Dean laughed. “Can you be any cheesier?” he asked with a shy smile. Cass chuckled and shrugged.

“Oh, always.” he laughed as he leaned forward and gave Dean a quick peck on the lips. He leaned back against the leather seat of the Impala. “Tell me why we couldn’t sit inside again?”

Dean shrugged. “I figured privacy would be nice. Besides, Juno is closing soon so I wouldn’t want to keep him here any longer than necessary.” 

“So considerate.”

“Shut up.” he laughed. Cass grinned before he felt his phone vibrate. He reached into his pocket and raised an eyebrow when he saw his aunt calling him.

“Hello?” he asked with a raised eyebrow, looking at Dean just to see confusion on his face too. 

“Castiel, sweetie, hello.” Naomi said in a sickly sweet voice that Castiel had never heard her use before.

“Um, hello. . . Do you need something, Aunt Naomi?” he asked with a frown. Dean’s eyebrows raised up at the mention of “Aunt”. He took another bite of his burger, watching Cass with anticipation filling his gut.

“I need you to come home. There’s something here for you.” she said, still using the voice that a mother from the 50’s would use. Castiel felt something deep in his gut twist with unease. 

“Why?” he asked as his brows furrowed. “And why are you talking like that?”

“I’ll see you when you get here. Be here within twenty minutes, okay? Thank you, Castiel. I love you.”

Castiel’s face paled. Naomi never said that. That was so opposite of Naomi that Castiel doubted he even talked to the real Naomi. He hung up and looked at Dean. “We need to go back to my place.” he said slowly, still processing everything. Why would Naomi be talking like that? That wasn’t her voice and she was acting as if she were reading a script. 

Dean frowned. “Why? What’s going on?”

Castiel looked up at him with worry. “I have no idea.” 

___

Dean pulled up to Cass’ house, looking over it. “Wow. Nice place.” he said as he turned the car off. Castiel shrugged as he got out of the Impala. He noticed that there was a black car that was parked in the driveway next to Naomi’s car. He frowned. He had never seen that black car in his life before. 

Dean came around and grabbed Cass’ hand. Cass looked at him and offered him a small smile. “Thanks.” he said softly, giving it a squeeze before walking towards his house. At closer inspection of the car, he saw that the license plate said ‘RNTL’. “Rental. . ?” he frowned as he looked up at their house. Did they have a visitor?

They walked up to the door and Castiel opened it, not sure what to expect. He saw Naomi sitting at the kitchen table, her body bent over slightly as if she were cowering. It definitely wasn’t her normal ‘I-own-you’ posture that he was so used to seeing. As he walked forward, he let go of Dean’s hand so that Naomi didn’t question anything. He smelled the strong scent of clover and mint, his mind trying to process where he had smelled that before. As the kitchen started to fully come into view, his brain flashed back to memories of him riding a bike as a younger child while his maid watched him. To memories of him sitting out in a living room, practicing piano, him watching movies while the maid provided him popcorn and drinks while his father sat in his study all night long. 

_It couldn’t be. . ._ Castiel thought hesitantly.

His eyes fell on a short man standing at the counter, drinking a glass of red wine. His hair was a curly brown, his eyes an icy blue. His eyes locked with Castiel’s cerulean blue ones. “Hello, Castiel.”

Castiel stopped dead in his tracks. “Father?”


	15. Castiel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> " _He normally feared the forest during night time, thanks to all of the horror stories he had heard about forestry. But right now, it was the perfect solution to his problem. It would swallow him up with ease and he would disappear from sight._ "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been so long, but I'm still here. :) I'm really busy with work and school (AKA failing my Geometry) but here's another chapter. Christmas Break is coming soon which is good!
> 
> Also, I snagged some tickets for the Seattle Convention in 2018! So now I get to meet the two men who I've been writing gay fan fiction about for almost a year now. Totally not going to be awkward at all.
> 
> Thanks to my amazing beta @ninarweems for saving my ass from mistakes.
> 
>  
> 
> TW: mentions of sexual acts (Spoiler? Maybe ;) )

Castiel didn’t have many friends growing up. In fact, he only really had the maid that took on his father’s role as his legal guardian for most of his life. He kept to himself and almost never went out in public for the fear of paparazzi stalking him. He had a quiet life, a solitary life. And he was okay with that. But then he moved to Lawrence, Kansas, where he was forced out of his comfort zone. He hated it and he hated his father for it in the beginning. But now that he had the taste of freedom, the taste of actually _living_ life and enjoying it. . . He didn’t want to go back to New York. He didn’t need to go back. 

So when he saw his father, the only thing he could think of was running. Running as far away from the situation at hand as he possibly could. Just like he did with every other problem in his life. And so he did. Before Chuck could even get one word in, Castiel turned around and ran out of the house. He ran so fast that his eyes were watering from the wind. Or maybe it was from the emotion in his chest that was constricting him from breathing with ease. He didn’t know. His brain was too muggy with emotion for him to really be able to have a logical thought.

Somewhere in the distance, he heard a word that he had heard everyday of his life, but he couldn’t make it out. What was it? It was on the tip of his tongue. Oh well, it didn’t matter. The wind rushing in his ears mixed with the sound of his heart beating loudly in his eardrums quickly drowned it out. His blue eyes darted around as he quickly made his way into the small forest that hung out across their street. He normally feared the forest during night time, thanks to all of the horror stories he had heard about forestry. But right now, it was the perfect solution to his problem. It would swallow him up with ease and he would disappear from sight. 

As he ran across the street, he felt something drop on his face. It was wet and cold and it sent a shiver down his spine. Somewhere in the back of his mind, the word ‘rain’ appeared. And it didn’t take long for the rain to start falling at a normally alarming rate. But right now, mother nature was the least of his worries. He ran in between the trees and was soon enveloped in darkness, his chest burning and his legs aching. His speed faltered slightly, but he kept running as fast as he could manage. He could feel his shirt clinging to his clammy skin as the rain seeped through the thin fabric. His hair was sticking to his forehead and a small rivulet of water was dripping down the bridge of his nose.

As he continued to run, his vision started to adjust so that he could see silhouettes of random things. Tree stumps that were lumpy on the sides, rocks that were bigger than shrubs. He could hear the leaves of the trees rustling in the rain. But what he didn’t see was the large root of the tree that was in front of him, just barely sticking up out of the ground; until it was too late. He felt the front of his foot catch under the root and he fell face first into a pile of mud and leftover snow, catching his face on a few broken branches. There was a loud pop that echoed in the air and then a screech like noise. It was only when he stopped moving that he realized it was him screaming in pain.

He gritted his teeth in pain as a few tears streamed down his cheek and he grabbed his leg, trying to lift it up. With every little movement, his ankle shot sharp pains through his bones and he knew that it was broken without a doubt. He sobbed quietly as he laid back in the mud. His jeans were soaked and chaffing against his skin and his shirt was soaked. He was shivering but he wasn’t quite sure if it was from the cold or from him being in shock. He felt the rain still falling on his face, though it was coming down a little softer now. 

As his heart fell down to a normal pace, he could hear that word being called again, echoing in his head. And that’s when he realized it was his name being called. He tried raising his head slightly to look but his vision was blurring out and he couldn’t muster the strength to get up. Although it wasn’t like his broken ankle would let him anyway. He heard thumping sounds and it didn’t take him long to realize that they were footsteps. He mustered up what little voice he had and spoke up.

“Help,” he croaked as he tried moving his leg. He whimpered as he felt more pain. “Help!

Within moments, he felt warm hands wrap around him and he was lifted up off the ground. He cried out in pain but was suddenly shushed as a jacket was put around his shoulders. “Hush, baby,” he heard a deep voice whisper and it only took a split nanosecond for him to realize it was Dean’s voice. Dean picked him up bridal style and kissed his forehead. “You’re okay now. I’ve got you,” he said gently as if he was talking to a wounded animal. Cass’ hand weakly grabbed onto Dean’s shirt as Dean skillfully managed to put his jacket over the front of Cass, although his back was bare to the cold. He vaguely remembered Dean whispering something softly to him, but he was out and dead to the world before they even left the forest.

____

Dean ran as fast as he could with Cass’ cold body in his arms. He jumped out of the forest and onto the road, running back to the house and towards the Impala. He saw the man with curly brown hair run forward, concern on his features as he saw Castiel. 

“Castiel? Castiel!” he said with fatherly concern, and it didn’t take Dean too long to put two and two together. There was remorse all over his face and in his eyes and Dean’s heart actually kind of ached for the poor guy. 

“I’m going to drive him to the hospital,” Dean said as he awkwardly opened the door to the passenger seat so that Cass would be able to feel the heat blasting on him. He set Cass down and closed the door when he felt the older man grab his shoulder.

“He’s my son. I think I have the right to take him.” he said firmly, his eyes giving Dean a challenging gaze.

Dean shot him the deadliest glare he could. “You’re the reason that he ran off in the first place. Don’t touch me.” he growled in a warning. “He’s 18 now. You don’t have any jurisdiction over him. So back off.” he said, yanking his shoulder free and turning around, walking over to the driver’s seat and getting in. He slid his key into the ignition, the engine turning over as baby hummed to life. He pulled out of the driveway and quickly sped down the road, wanting to get Cass the help he needed. He hit a pothole on the way down and Cass cried out in pain even though he was knocked out, so it was most likely a subconscious reaction. Dean turned the corner and made his way to the hospital, trying to stay as calm as possible for Cass’ sake.

______

_Cass looked up into Dean’s eyes, his hands slowly moving through Dean’s bronze locks, his lips moving up to connect with Dean’s. His breath escaped him as he felt Dean grind down slowly, his erection rubbing against Cass’ own. Cass moaned softly, his breath fanning Dean’s ear as he held him close._

_”Dean,” he whimpered quietly, his fingers gripping onto Dean’s shoulders, his nails lightly digging into the firm muscles of Dean’s shoulders. He felt desire pooling in his stomach but also nervousness, just like the last time._

_“It’s okay, baby. I’ve got you,” Dean whispered softly, kissing his neck. “You’re okay, Cass. I love you.”_

Cass’ lashes fluttered open and he had to blink his eyes a few times to adjust to the lighting. It was rather dim except for the fluorescent light above him. The only noise he could hear was the beeping from the heart monitor and the small hum of the light above him. He inhaled deeply, groaning mutely as he felt his ankle throb in protest. He moved his head forward and realized he had a small tube sticking in his nose to provide oxygen. His finger was hooked up to a pulse oximeter and an IV was sticking out of the top of his forearm. 

“Cass?” a voice asked softly. Cass looked up and a small smile spread across his chapped lips as he saw his boyfriend moving forward from the wall. Dean walked over and grabbed Cass’ free hand with his own. 

“Hello, Dean.” Cass mumbled softly, his voice hoarse and raspy. He inhaled deeply and sighed, looking out the window that looked over their city. “Mm, how long have I been out?” he asked quietly. Partially from nervousness but mostly from the fact that his throat was extremely sore.

“A few hours,” Dean said softly as he rubbed Cass’ knuckles with his thumb. He sighed softly and raised his hand to kiss his knuckles. “God, Cass. . . Why did you run off?” he frowned. “I mean as soon as you saw your dad, you were gone.”

Cass felt shame and guilt wash over him and he lowered his eyes. “I. . . Dean, it’s really hard to explain.” Dean squinted and he looked down at their hands before slowly pulling his hand back. Cass frowned and he lowered his eyes. Silence fell over the room and Cass could feel Dean’s worry be replaced with anger. “Dean, I-”

“Enough with the bullshit, Cass!” he snapped suddenly. Cass blinked, his eyes wide with fear. His eyes quickly darted down to his cast-covered foot. “Okay? I am tired of it. I’m not a fucking five year-old. I know you’re lying to me and you have been for a while. I’ve been letting it slide but after tonight? I think you owe me an explanation. A _real_ one.”

Cass swallowed thickly and sighed. “Okay.”

“No, don’t even fucking start because I- wait, what?” he asked with confusion. Cass looked up at him. 

“You’re right,” he said softly, toying with the edge of the blanket. “I’ve been lying to you.” he said softly. Dean’s face became blank as he looked down at the bed, resting his hands over his mouth. He sighed and closed his eyes before looking back at Cass. Cass cleared his throat and stared down at his hands, twiddling his thumbs slightly. “My. . . father,” he said quietly, “He’s an author. A famous one. Chuck Shurley, in fact.” he murmured. Dean’s eyes widened.

“And why didn’t you tell me this before?” Dean asked, feeling a little hurt that Castiel apparently didn’t trust him like he thought.

“Dean, my whole life has revolved around my dad,” he said softly, his eyes welling up with tears. “I just. . . I couldn’t attach myself to him here. . . The only reason I’m even here is because he was so busy writing that I wasn’t getting the education I needed or the right nutrition or anything. My entire childhood was just my Nanny babysitting me while my dad stayed cooped up in his office for hours, sometimes days on end.” he said, the tears sliding down his face. “I didn’t have the childhood like everyone else had. I had to worry about paparazzi and about rumors and fake people. I didn’t grow up with my dad reading me bedtime stories. I grew up watching him on the television. Hell, he didn’t even punish me! I could have easily overdosed on some kind of street drug and he would have just made a story about it.” 

Dean frowned as he looked up at Cass and he grabbed his hand gently. He moved forward and connected their lips softly, his hand coming up to cup Cass’ cheek as he tasted the saltiness from Cass’ tears. “Cass, I’m sorry,” Dean said softly as he wiped a tear away from Cass’ eye. “I. . . I know what it’s like. Growing up without a father. . . at least, without a _good_ father, anyway.” he murmured, his eyes soft and filled with affection and sadness. “I’m sorry for even making you bring this up. It must have been really hard.” 

Castiel sighed as he squeezed Dean’s hand gently. “It was. And. . . when I saw him. . . It just hit me. I don’t even know why he’s here,” Cass muttered quietly. “The only reason I could think of is that he wants me to come back or something.” he said, rubbing his eyes slowly, not caring about the tiny clip on his index finger. He shyly looked up at Dean. “Do you hate me?” he whispered.

Dean made a face. “No. I could never hate you Cass. . . I l-”

The door opened and Cass’ eyes shot up to see familiar blue ones. Cass felt his gut fill with unease as he watched his father slowly walk into the room. Chuck’s eyes drifted down to Cass’ foot that was elevated and then back to his son. He cleared his throat and looked from Cass to Dean. “Thank you for telling me my son is awake.”

Dean bit his tongue but gave Chuck a dirty glare. All he could imagine was a small blue-eyed boy swinging by himself at the park while Chuck simply ignored him, therefore abandoning him, and it just made him want to do nothing more than knock his teeth out. Cass deserved so much better. He felt Cass squeeze his hand and his face softened as he looked back at Cass. 

“I’ll be okay,” Cass promised. “Just five minutes?” he whispered in a hushed voice. Dean nodded and moved forward, kissing Cass leisurely again, partially because he wanted to, but also because it was his way of putting up his middle finger to Chuck without actually doing it. He could feel Cass stiffen slightly but then relax into the kiss and Dean sighed as he nuzzled his nose. He moved back, stared at Chuck for a few moments, and then walked out of the room, even though his gut, brain, and heart were screaming at him to go back inside.


	16. Castiel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _"Let me stop you right there,” Cass said as he held up a hand. “You have never been a father. . ."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After a two month Hiatus, I have returned. For those of you that are still here, thank you for doing so. I have been stressed with work and with school and my grandfather who wasn't doing too good.
> 
>  
> 
> He passed away this morning. 
> 
>  
> 
> Shoutout to my beta @NettieStein13 and my other beta Mariah (she isn't on here yet, but you can find her on Wattpad here: @feathersandpie)
> 
> And next chapter, I HIGHLY suggest you don't read in public ;)

As Dean disappeared from Castiel’s sight, his eyes shifted to Chuck’s. He stared at him for the longest time, his eyes matching his fath- no. Chuck wasn’t his father. Chuck had never been his father. A father gives a child a bedtime story. A father helps his child learn new things. A father would keep their child close to them and spend time with them, rather than send them over 1.2000 miles away so that they could do their job. So no, Chuck was not Castiel’s father. As far as Castiel was concerned, he had no father. Because of this, he couldn’t help but find it hilarious when he heard Chuck start to speak. 

“Castiel, what were you thinking? You could have been hurt even worse than what you are now. Do you have no common sense?” Chuck scolded as he stared at him. His blue eyes were filled with fury and disbelief, but also worry. Castiel fought the instinct to roll his eyes.

“Why do you care, huh?” Cass retorted, his fist balling up as he stared at the man. “You haven’t cared about what happens to me before.. So why start now?” he asked with anger. His head was starting to pound, almost like it was throbbing, and the heart monitor spiked every so often. He felt tears threatening his eyes, but he didn't let them show. Now was not the time or place for it.

“Watch your tone,” Chuck ordered before sighing and grabbing a chair, pulling it up to the end of the bed. “Castiel, I had an epiphany a few nights ago,” he said, his tone softer. “I-I haven’t been able to write anything well. Hell, I’ve had the worst writer’s block for the past month.”

“Oh man, my heart bleeds out for you.” Cass sneered as he awkwardly crossed his arms since all of the wires started to tangle together. Chuck decided to ignore the side comment.

“Castiel, I realized that the reason I can’t write anything is because I don’t have you there. Without you back at the house. . . God, that place has never felt so empty and cold before.” he said, looking down at the floor. Castiel’s eyes lingered over to his father against his better judgement. “Now, Cass, I know that I’m not father of the year in any way, shape, or form. . .” he started. 

“Let me stop you right there,” Cass said as he held up a hand. “You have never been a father, _Chuck_.” Castiel glared at him as he emphasized his name. “You wanna know something? The only fatherly thing you did that helped me was send me here.” he said, his head pounding harder. “Because here, I found where I belong. Where I was meant to be.” he gritted his teeth. “And you have no fucking right to sit here and lecture me before trying to guilt trip me into doing what you want.”

Chuck’s cheeks turn red. “Now listen here, boy-”

“No!” Cass yelled, his head pounding so hard he thought his brain was going to break out of his skull. “You listen! For once in your fucking life, listen to me!” As he spoke that last sentence, his voice cracked. He inhaled deeply. “I am not your boy. You have no privilege of calling me that, considering the past eighteen years of my life, you treated me like I was a nuisance! A mistake!” he snapped. “Every time I tried to get your attention, every _fucking_ time that I tried to speak with you, you would yell at me,” he whispered, the tears came to a stop at his water line, on the verge of spilling over at any given moment. “telling me to leave or calling one of our maids to come get me. You would lock me out for days. You would have the maids feed me, teach me, play with me. . . You never cared about me!” he shouted. 

The room went silent again, and Cass’ head was feeling very light. He could hear a faint ringing in his ears, but ignored that, keeping his eyes steady on Chuck, whose face was so red, it looked like a tomato. He looked down at his foot before leaning his head back, his body feeling weak. He let a few tears fall as he looked down at the floor, swallowing thickly. He wanted to sob, but he wouldn’t give Chuck the pleasure of seeing that. 

“Castiel, I. . .” Chuck whispered, but he stopped talking. Castiel inhaled deeply and he stared at his father with a deadpan look.

“I think you should go.” he said, keeping eye contact with him. “And if you truly do love me and or respect me. . . You won’t come back.” 

He let his words hang in the air. Chuck’s eyes had widened at this point, his mouth slightly ajar. Part of Cass wanted to take the words back as soon as they slipped past his lips, but Cass needed to stand his ground now. He couldn’t back down, or else Chuck would never take him seriously. Chuck went to say something and Cass raised an eyebrow, challenging him to speak. “I-I’ll cut you off from all of my money.” Chuck said, staring up at him with a grim face. “It’ll all go to Gabriel. All of it.”

“I don’t care,” Cass said nonchalantly. “I have no need for it anyways. I have my own account and now that I’m of legal age, you can’t touch a penny of it. Blackmailing won’t work. Now go before I decide that my vocal cords need some exercise and I scream for help.” 

Chuck’s face is a face filled with defeat. He stands up slowly and pushes the chair back, still holding his gaze with Castiel. He sighed and turned around before walking out of the room, closing the door behind him. Castiel waited until he heard the footsteps recede, before leaning back from exhaustion, closing his eyes as his head continued to pound and the ringing got louder. He inhaled deeply through the tube of oxygen- Castiel faintly remembered someone telling him that the technical term for it was “Nasal Cannulas”- and then sighed before passing out from pure exhaustion. 

________

_Cass looked around the large room as he walked forward and down the two small steps that led into the living room area. He gazed at the windows that were from the ceiling to the floor, like most penthouses have in New York City. He saw some helicopters flying around, the sun shining bright as the people- that looked like tiny ants from this high up- scattered around and made their way to each destination that was their own. He frowned, genuinely confused as he turned around and scanned the area some more, not quite sure why he was back at his old penthouse._

_As he walked forward, he felt his toes become surrounded by white faux fur that was attached to the living room rug, two large loveseat sofas on either side of it. They were a cream white while the fur was a snowy white. Cass squatted down and touched the fur that was softer than he remembered. His eyes shifted to the large family portrait that hung on one of the walls, showing his father and his mother smiling dazzling white smiles, whilst a tiny little baby was in his mother’s arms. A young boy stood in front of their father, with copper hair, golden eyes, and a mischievous smirk that only one person Castiel knew could possess. Gabriel._

_He went to wander around some more when he saw a young lady with dark brunette curls walk over to him. She was wearing a white dress that ended above her knees, an apron around it and white converse to tie it all together. The classic uniform his father had all the maids wear. She smiled at him, her ruby red lips parting to show a set of dazzling white teeth. She held her hand out for Castiel. “Come on, Busy Bee. You know that Daddy won’t like to find out that you’re not studying your notes for violin.” she says softly in a soft hispanic accent._

_Castiel frowned. “I haven’t played violin in years,” he said with confusion. He heard her giggle._

_”Alright, I suppose I need to go do some shopping. . . I can take you with me. It’ll be our little secret.” she whispered and gave him a wink before standing up and walking over to the coat rack. She grabbed a long tan trench coat and she looked over at Castiel, holding her hand out. “Are you coming? I’m sure I can get you some ice cream.” she offered him a warm smile._

_Castiel felt realization dawn on him. He remembered this. This was one of his favorite memories. Bonnie was probably the nicest maid that Castiel had ever had, and the closest woman that was a mother to him. He smiled and grabbed her hand before she stopped him, pointing to his shoes. He felt extremely weird and out of place, considering he was eighteen, but he still followed her directions without any fight. He walked over to the shoe shelf and grabbed some rain boots. He put them on and then smiled, turning around to meet up with Bonnie, but his smile faded quickly when he saw she was gone. He frowned and looked around as the room suddenly became dark._

_”Bonnie?” he asked out loud. “Bonnie?”_

_”Castiel!” a voice screamed. “Cass!”_

 

Cass’ eyes sprung open and he sat up, panting heavily. He squinted as his eyes tried to adjust to the light of the room, and he tried to remember where he was and why the _hell_ his head was pounding so fucking hard. The smell of sterilized. . . well, everything, hit his nose. He groaned as he laid back, his blue eyes landing on a pair of green ones. “Dean?” he asked softly, unsure of what was going on. 

“Hey,” Dean said quietly. “I’m sorry to wake you, but the nurse told me to give you your pills.” he frowned. Cass looked down to see Dean’s hand intertwined with his own and he offered Dean a weak squeeze of his hand. Dean smiled and lifted their hands up, kissing the back of Cass’ knuckles. He pulled his hand away to grab the pills and the cup of water the nurse left and gave them to Cass.

Castiel took them and then chugged down the water before handing it to Dean and groaning quietly. “Why the hell does my head hurt so fucking much?” he groaned softly as he touched it tenderly. 

“Probably because you have a concussion?” Dean offered with a slight laugh. “You hit your head pretty hard when you fell in the woods. And after the fight with your fa- with Chuck,” Dean corrected himself quickly, “I’m not surprised that you wore yourself out. You’ve been asleep for about five hours now.”

Cass blinked. “Holy shit, really?” he asked with shock. Dean nodded and slowly grabbed Cass’ hand again. He gave Castiel a shy smile before sighing and looking at Cass.

“Are you alright?” he asked, staring at Cass with concern. Cass looked over at him before looking down at the ground. He sighed and thought about it. Was he alright? Obviously not physically, but what about mentally? He did just cut out his biological father from his entire life, but at the same time, they weren’t close at all to begin with. So he decided that it’ll feel just the same as normal, only this time he won’t have to worry about shitty birthday and holiday calls.

“I think I will be, yes,” he said after a few minutes. “It’s just going to take some time, you know? But I believe that I’ll muddle through.” Cass said honestly. Dean smiled a shy school boy smile and nodded.

“Okay. Well, the doctor said that you’re going to be free to go tomorrow,” he stroked Cass’ black locks tendrly. “So for now, you can go back to bed if you would like. I’m staying here right by your side until you can go home. And maybe then, too.” he smiled slightly. Castiel chuckled deeply and exhaled slowly, leaning back in the bed. He frowned as he looked over at the table and saw a stuffed honey bee with a balloon tied around it. He looked over at Dean.

“Did you buy me the bee?” he asked, his eyebrows raised in confusion. Dean shook his head. 

“No, an older woman came in here a few hours ago while you were still out. She brought the bee and balloon. She didn’t stay very long.” 

Castiel bit his lip, his confusion only growing as he tried to think of a woman that he was close with, because he was positive that his aunt would never buy him that. She hated bees with a passion and she was never sentimental in that sort of way. “Did you get her name at all?” he asked, looking back at Dean. “Or what she looked like?”

“Well, she was a short, older woman. Maybe in her late thirties or forties? She had brown eyes and black curly hair. Her eyes were filled with age even though she wasn’t that old. I think she said her name was, uh,” he stopped as he snapped his fingers a few times. “Oh! Bonnie! She said her name was Bonnie.”

Castiel’s heart stopped for a second and he looked over at the bee, grabbing it gently. He holds it close to him and inhaled the scent deeply. It smelled just like her; Roses and spices. He let the tears fall as he held it close to him. He looked down at the tag that was attached to it and saw some writing inside of it, along with a taped letter. He sniffles and looks up at Dean with happiness in his eyes. He looked back at the small letter and opened it. 

_It seems you’ve broken a wing, busy bee. You were always clumsy, but still very strong. I see that now, even while you sleep. I’m sorry for the late gift, but I wasn’t sure when the right time would be to send it. Happy late birthday, Castiel. I’m leaving my number so that you can call me and we can have a cup of my abuela’s Champurrado. Xx -B_

“Did you know her, Cass?” Dean asked softly, watching him with a raised eyebrow.

Cass let a sob out and nodded, wiping the tears away. “She. . . She was the woman who raised me.” he said quietly, tucking the note back into the small tag on the bee and sighing as he held it close. He grabbed Dean’s hand and intertwined their fingers, his eyes slowly closing as he snuggled up to the bee, drifting off to a peaceful sleep. As he slowly fell into his dreams, he faintly felt a pair of soft lips on his forehead, and a squeeze of Dean’s hand.


	17. *Author's Note: Will be deleted soon*

Hey, y'all! I just wanted to let you know that I am still here and I am writing, but I had to find a new laptop because my old one finally gave out on me. Now that I have one, the new chapter will be posted soon and this note will be deleted, because I don't want this to be in the story. The next chapter will contain some smutty smut, I promise! It is long overdue. Thank you for being so understanding and patient! 

 

Love you lots <3 new chapter should be up either tomorrow or Wednesday at some point! Also, I'm headed out for the Supernatural Convention on Thursday and I meet Misha Saturday! I am d y i n g and I'm not sure if my body is ready, but we shall see! 

Okay, I'll quit blabbing. Thank you for reading and I shall see you in the next chapter.

~okapi427


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